Ministry Update: August 2008

So I'm back from the missions trip to North Sumatra. It sure was different from last year's trip. It's a different team with different dynamics. Apparent changes were seen in the field. Now back behind the desk facing the computer monitor, I'm faced with the obvious reality. Where is the Lord leading me? I want to be able to echo what the prophet Habbakuk wrote in Hab 3:17-18,

Hab 3:17 For though the fig-tree shall not flourish, Neither shall fruit be in the vines; The labor of the olive shall fail, And the fields shall yield no food; The flock shall be cut off from the fold, And there shall be no herd in the stalls:
Hab 3:18 Yet I will rejoice in Jehovah, I will joy in the God of my salvation.

it's difficult to be sincere and honest when considering the apparent "hypocrisy" around. We teach and stress so much on Asian theology and matters concerning self-theologizing, yet our conduct betray us. Secularism creeps into the church and we can only rationalize that we are fallen human beings! When is the "colonialization" of the church going to stop? I was appointed to head the BM Dept but suddenly one American missionary came & demand for that position, then the so-called school management bow to that demand. I am disillusioned with ministry. I really feel so pushed to the edge of giving up. What's the difference with the world if the church cannot champion truth within herself??? Again, we rationalize that we are fallen human being, confine to our limited limitations. If so, we are reducing the bigness of our God into a small match-box. We continue to be bias conforming to the traditional age and gender bias. There are areas in ministry strictly for specific gender - why? Where is our security? Can't we accept our strength & weakness and compliment each other to accomplish the task entrusted to us? Instead, each gender has to feel threatened to the extend of confining the other to their so-called specific roles. Policies, budget, etc were quoted to discourage me from furthering my studies, but the bottom-line I can discern is, I'm not a man.

The events from the start of the year seem to be like "birth pangs" and I don't know what it's leading to. I've encounter "attacks" and circumstances that seem to contradict what God is speaking to me. Sure I want to maintain the faith to declare like Habbakuk that I can still rejoice despite the circumstances, but I doubt my own sincerity in pronouncing them. At this moment and circumstances, I'm in a position of readiness to go to anywhere the Lord may call me to, at anytime He chooses. I suppose, this is how I should be at all times. But I've learnt not to hold dear anything I've been entrusted with: be it ministry, fellowship, etc. We are pilgrims here on earth with no permanence.

A reflection of uncertainty is seen at the larger aspect of Malaysia as a nation. Events each day are building up its intensity, much like "birth pangs" to a new era.

To anyone reading this blog entry - I am a single lady Christian minister encountering challenges as she strives to live and minister by God's terms. Right now, I'm at the very edge of giving up. Disillusioned, discouraged, disappointed. Yet knowing God is faithful and His Word NEVER return to Him void.

Ministry Update: July 2008

Last Saturday I was preaching at a Saturday evening service. For the second time, I received the comment that I look more cheerful now that I’ve left the pastoral ministry! Is the pastoral ministry really that “miserable?” I suppose it’s the context of it. And the personality? I always tend to take “work” very seriously. Thus, each time I notice anything “less than Christian,” it grief me, upset me, disappoint me, etc…and I will feel miserable for weeks. At most times, the head knows how to respond but the heart just refuse to correspond appropriately. I’m still learning to accept that even within the Christian community, there are the “wheat & the weeds.” Each accountable to God & on that Day when we stand before the Great White Throne, judgment takes place. Because God is so gracious, He always gives an opportunity to repent.

Right now I’m serving in a Bible School. As if there are no heartaches? That’s mere fantasy! Ministry is full of ups and downs; joy and hurt; laughter and tears; yet He makes all things beautiful in its own time. Next week will see a busy time for the BM Dept. with over 40 students coming in for 4-weeks courses. Weekends are packed with activities besides weekdays evening programs. Being a task-oriented person, I’m obviously looking forward to be in the midst of bustling activities. After that, I only have a short weekend to pack before leaving for a 10-day trip to North Sumatra. After the mission trip, September seems slow paced before October; a week in Sabah, a week in Sarawak, and a weekend in KL. November will be pretty busy too with graduation preparations. This year, the BM Dept. is graduating her first batch of students. Started in 2002 on modular basis, the students have persevered through the years & 2 students are graduating this November!

Please join me to pray and dream for the BM department. I’m the only “full-timer” here while everyone else in our pool of teachers are part-timers: pastors & missionaries. Even the administrative help I have are students in campus. I am hoping to develop its potential. After all, it’s been sitting motionless for the past 5-6 years. My first step is to involve more locals & create an achievable progression for the OA community. I don’t know why God led me to this ministry. But I’ve discovered so much joy and fulfillment. These are simple people, eager to learn and in need of just a little attention & opportunity to rise up. And I’m glad I availed to God to be a vessel in accomplishing His purpose for these people. But truly, this is a very challenging ministry. Home missions is less “glamorous” than foreign missions, thus, too little attention has been given to this ministry that holds vast potential. Hey, you know the best candidates to reach our M friends? We are also publishing BM books. Christian books in Malay are often imported from Indonesia and they are in Bahasa Indonesia. While similar, we still need to contextualize into the Malaysian context. Our department has published 3 BM books thus far. I believe some of you have a few of them. Let me know if it’s helpful & if you can help us in translation/proof-reading works. We can’t pay you in dollars & cents but will surely credit your heavenly account!

But what am I up to these days? A few friends asked why they have not been receiving updates from me. I’m so sorry for that. It’s more convenient to just post it to my blog. And once in awhile, I send these updates. But for sure is I’m still learning to be a good minister in God’s kingdom. I discovered God gave me a prophetic gift and a close friend is teaching me to exercise it wisely. I’m still uncertain as to where and when I am able to go to “the field” as I have ambitiously plan big plans for the BM Dept. But I’m still praying for that opportunity. I’m still preparing for further studies; by God’s grace I hope to pursue missions research in the Asian context. After all, the Church (in Malaysia) ought to have matured to self-theologizing, and not merely “importing” western trends.

Join me in prayer. Again, I’m quoting Philippians 1:3 “I thank my God upon all my remembrance of you.”

This is my Father's world

I really don't know if it is a good or bad thing that I tend to take ministry matters rather personally. After all, I rationalize that this is my Father's business. So, how can I not be upset when I notice how "unchristian" approaches are adopted into ministry? Is it right or wrong that I should be grieved at how worldliness has crept into the Christian community?

Since becoming a Christian, pastors/teachers taught me that the road to spiritual maturity is when we surrender more of self so that more of Christ will reign in our lives. When I was a pastor, I taught the church that life as a Christian require us to surrender our selfish rights and to allow God the full reign in us. As a preacher, I preach from the pulpit that we need to hunger for more of God in us. As a teacher, I teach students that Christ must be central to everything we do, hoping that my student pastors will teach the same thing to members of their church. I remember that shortly before I graduated with ThM, someone asked me what my plans are. I was asked what I have planned to see myself doing in 5 years time, in 10 years time. I insisted then that I will let the Lord lead me, I want to be in His will and to allow Him to have the final say in what I should do. Yet, the other person kept insisting to me that I must know/plan what I want to do in 5 years time, in 10 years time. As if it is not enough, a few weeks back another "senior Christian minister" asked me the same thing. "What do you see yourself doing in 5 years time, in 10 years time?" As if each of us must plan our lives, our ways. Isn't that the way of the world? I left that sort of lifestyle to be a Christian, then a Christian minister. I have surrendered my life to God and journeying towards a complete surrender so that God will fully reign in me & through me to accomplish His divine purpose on earth. But suddenly, I was told that I must be central to what I want to do. What happened? Isn't God the One who should be central? I suppose if I stop resisting and conform, life will definitely be easier. But my conscience tells me that I must not because the day will come when I stand before the Great White Throne, and I stand accountable for my own deeds. So, I may be a radical, a rebel to the "establishment" but I have decided to uphold my Christian principles. God is central & He will be central to everything I am/do.

Last Sunday the preacher in my home church was reminding us that it's pastors who "kill" churches when we preach incomplete truth. I agree to that. But more to that is that Christian leaders "murder" the church by adopting worldly standards to measure spirituality. It results in superficial Christianity that rob us of genuine worship. I pray that God will come to visit us here in Malaysia & to purify the church. Is it right that I pray for judgment to begin from the House of God to remove the "impurities" within the House? It's time to return to the foundation of our faith, something we seem to have forgotten. It's time to re-kindle that passion of first love for our God that seem to have deteriorate. It's time to restore a holy fear of God that seem to have diminish in our walk with God. I pray the church in Malaysia will awake from her spiritual slumber & understand the signs of the time & urgency of the day.

SB

Cyber Wonder

Technology works wonders. It created a borderless world where we can reach people anywhere with a few quick clicks on our computer mouse. I praise God that He brought a wonderful acquiantance into my life by chance, in cyber space. Check out this cool site at Faith-Space.com

Dreaming Big for God...all alone

Prophecies & dreams often give us the passion & hope to strive towards the fullness of what God has in store for us. I don't know how far or to what extent we should contribute towards the divine effort for the fulfillment of God's promises. Of a fact, if God promises we should not just sit & wait for it to drop from the sky. But on the other hand, we should not also be like Abraham who tried to help God fulfill his promise, where he ended up with his Ishmael.

I think the key is still spiritual discernment. A spiritual character cultivated and nurtured through time and intimacy. No, I really don't think all Christian have it. Also I do not think all Christian leaders have it! What a shame...

Here I stand, dreaming big for my God. But here I stand all alone. Yet my call is to stand firm for my God.

SB

Ministry Update

Dear partners in ministry,

Thank you for your partnership in the ministry. Thank you that your friendship & fellowship has been a blessing to me. Some of you may be like me, who suddenly realized it's already the fifth month of 2008! I've been pretty relaxed lately, in fact, so relaxed since I completed my thesis in early September 2007 & I'm getting pretty bored. Thus, I really look forward to the coming STCM (School of Trans-Cultural Missions) which is just around the corner. There are many activities lined up: teaching, traveling, mission trips.

End of last month, I went on a field trip with the BM Dept to Perlis. It was the launch of our attempt in networking with the BM churches throughout Peninsular Malaysia. There will be many more such weekend field trips throughout the year & its frequency will increase next year. Besides that, STCM will also see several weekend field trips for the STCM/audit students. I was told we will have many students coming in from Singapore this year. Then the BM module in July - I already have an average of 40 students for the BM classes. This year the BM Dept will host the closing ceremony of STCM where the students are preparing to present East Malaysian cultures in dances, exhibitions, and even food!

It's going to be a busy time & I'm pretty excited to greet the next term. After the one-week teaching, I have a weekend to pack & travel to North Sumatra for a 10-day mission trip. The next interesting month will be October when i have a back-to-back teaching schedule in Tawau, then Kuching. And after returning, the following weekend is another weekend field trip.

End of November is a colleague's wedding in Alor Star followed by our staff retreat in Langkawi. Looks like later half of the year is more interesting than the slow moving first half. Well, I'm also getting my hands into two huge, challenging assignments (1) a new (BM) extension center & (2) upgrading of an extension center to a partner Bible school. I'm excited at how the Lord is moving in the BM ministry - both in MBTS & the BM churches across Malaysia. And truly, it is a privilege to partner the Lord in His work.

I look forward to continue my studies next year and also the opportunity for a longer missions exposure. Besides Indonesia, Phillipines is a new promising option to consider.

Finally, thank you for your partnership. Once again I'm quoting Phillipians 1:3
I thank my God every time I remember you
or
Aku mengucap syukur kepada Allahku setiap kali aku mengingat kamu

SB

Another Step Forward

It's another new month and time seems to progress so fast, as if with a blink of an eye we are already entering the fifth month of the year. Although life still goes on despite the many changes around us, I believe many Malaysians are still abuzz with the change of our political landscape. I, for one, have suddenly embraced an interest in Malaysian politics, and a renewed hope & passion for my nation.

Last weekend I attended the silver jubilee of a local church. I was so impressed at the large turn-out. Despite just 25 years, this church has aggressively grown - even surpassing older churches with notable number of opportunities for growth. So, what is so spectacular? I suppose it's the leadership, strategy, and boldness. Many factors may be involved but the most important I suppose is still dependant upon the leadership.

STCM is right around the corner. The slow pace of campus happenings should be stirred pretty soon. I look forward to this and the many other activities later in the year. Mostly are the travels and ministry opportunities. A work-oriented person will still look forward to work opportunities for excitement!

SB