Friday, November 23, 2007

The Universal Church

It has been a great adventure serving the Lord. As He teaches me new things and revelations, it always lead me closer to His heart. I remember about five years ago when I was seriously contemplating joining the Hannah II ship. What impressed me was the Bible School aboard the ship & they travel to small, obscure locations around Asia. Among their ministries was this teaching ministry that interest me a great deal. It was not the right time, I suppose. Today, the passion for cross-cultural missions is still very much alive within me. And the love for the universal church is very close to my heart. After all, it's only logical for a missions major to involve in missions and I've been praying, especially for the right timing. Under current circumstances, I'm not able to commit long-tem and I'm exploring short term possibilities. Thus far, there are two possibilities - Africa or Indonesia. I hope you will join me in praying & discerning for God's direction - to the right place in His time. The two areas of ministry I'm looking at are teaching & youth, both of which is possible in Ghana (Africa) or Manado (Indonesia). Will greatly appreciate your advice/comments and prayer support.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Reflecting Reflections

Spirituality is subjective. Yet, human like us attempt our best effort to understand spirituality. I think we are all too familiar with the obvious channel that education feeds the head. We forgot that spirituality starts from a changed heart. Instead of the usual channel of imparting knowledge (to the head), we should understand that it all must begin from the heart. A transformed heart views every knowledge differently. Experienced faith confront knowledge differently because you are looking through the spectacles of practical faith. Christianity should be understood first & foremost through the heart, a transformed heart that changes the spirit and understanding.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

The Road Least Traveled

I feel like Elijah (1 Kings 17-18). After the great “high” at Mount Carmel, he went deep “low” into depression. Within a week from Convocation, having received the highest academic degree from MBTS, I went steep low into depression. I am still pretty disillusioned. When you are in “full-time Christian vocation” your circle of acquaintances are Christian workers, supposedly the more “spiritual” of the lot. Yet, as I observe these so-called Christian leaders, I discovered that some of them are practicing something that is no different from the world. It does not make it okay, just to put a Christian label on something that the Church discourage in the world. The Christian community is so full of hypocrisy!

Again, like Elijah (1 Kings 19), I felt as if true Christianity is diminishing. Yet, a friend reminded me that true Christianity is still very much alive! I want so much to believe that right now. But I want to pour my grief in words. Grief over how God’s name has been used in vain by so-called leaders of His own church. As if whatever action taken in the name of the church will “sanctify” the practice and make it okay and acceptable.

I do not doubt the fact that most people know about God. I have a lot of doubt how many people actually know God. I’m not merely referring to Christians. I am specifically referring to “Christian leaders.” I know many with head knowledge, all full till swelling up. Yet, I know so few, too few who actually know God intimately. How can one deny the spiritual stale-ness when you meet with one that carries spiritual dry-ness within them? It’s not “right” to speak against the “establishment.” But how does one reconcile the apparent, obvious spiritual stale-ness day, after day? It contradict too much with what is right – the overflowing of spiritual vitality. And it is more than obvious in desert, barren spirituality.

And so the head knows. The head knows that we are fallen human beings with our limited limitations. A fact that is often used as an excuse once too often, way too often. As if we are not responsible for our own actions. I want to pray for God to purify His church. That judgment shall start from within the house of God. How dare we stain the Lord’s holiness when we measure spirituality with worldly standards? How dare we use the Lord’s name in vain? How dare we attempt to make right the wrong just so that we can receive “recognition” before men and the world?

Where is the humility? Where is the servant-hood? Where is the practice of what is being preached Sunday after Sunday? Should it not be applied into our lives? What is leadership by example if the leaders distant themselves from the rest, as if they are on a higher pedestal and that rebukes are for those on the pew, not for those from behind the pulpit? Have we forgotten who a Christian leader should be (1 Tim. 3)? What makes a Christian leader different from a leader of the world? There can be no pretense in spiritual matters. One can only give out of what he/she got. (45 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45, NIV)

O Lord, please have mercy on us. We have fallen so far away and we didn’t even realize it. We have allowed the things of the world to dictate how to minister. We have failed as a servant, as a minister. Please take us back to the right track and grant us to be teach-able so that we can be in the light of Your will.

Psalm 69

PS 69:5 You know my folly, O God; my guilt is not hidden from you.

PS 69:7 For I endure scorn for your sake, and shame covers my face.

PS 69:8 I am a stranger to my brothers, an alien to my own mother's sons;

PS 69:9 for zeal for your house consumes me, and the insults of those who insult you fall on me.

PS 69:13 But I pray to you, O LORD, in the time of your favor;

in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation.

PS 69:16 Answer me, O LORD, out of the goodness of your love; in your great mercy turn to me.

PS 69:30 I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Swimming Against the Tide

Physically, it is absurd. Absolutely absurd to go against the tide. It is most unpopular and to a certain extend invites ostracism as anything obviously would when it is against the norm of the day. Yet, isn’t what the Christian community ought to be? One set aside from the norm of the world? And yet, within the Christian community there exist its own sub-culture to dictate what is and not the “acceptable” norm.

Generally, there is no objection to the ideal that the Church should influence the world. However, the present state is clear that it is the world that is influencing the Church in almost all aspects of its life. I believe that there still is a remnant of “true” Christians, somewhere out there. And I constantly struggle to reconcile what the heart feels and the head knows because many times they contradict each other. On one hand, we want to see the Church in Malaysia grow in maturity. Yet, on the other we observe how its leaders make decisions, appointments, and practices that clearly reveal an extreme lack of spiritual maturity and wisdom. Do we need to “prove” ourselves? I don’t think so. Yet, because we are so influenced by worldly values, we allow worldly standards to measure our spiritual “achievements.” And where does this lead us? Obviously, it makes us no different than the world! Disappointing? Discouraging? Of a fact, as descendants of the fallen human race we can never achieve “perfection” in this side of heaven. We will always need God. True enough. But where is the value of the Cross? Where is the Resurrection power? I don’t believe we are completely hopeless because we really do have hope in Jesus Christ – no doubt about it. And this hope is the avenue to enable us reaches “Christ-likeness.”

Whatever happens to the Christian duty of a “watchman” as in Ezekiel 33? Are there prophets of God brave enough to speak the truth? And are there Christian leaders out there brave enough to obey the truth? One speaks the truth yet is not heard. One voices the truth and yet the advice not heeded. Because it goes against the tide. If a brave Christian took to the challenge of going against the norm, this Christian is often branded negatively. After all, it’s not “Christian” not to submit. A further attempt will probably cause the person to be branded “unspiritual,” “immature,” or even “unchristian.” True, we cannot have Christians broadcasting negatively about the Church either. Spiritual maturity can be seen through the consultation of fellow believers. Yet, many times dirt is wept under the carpet so as not to “stir the water.” Recognition, position, titles – aren’t these what the world sought after? Whatever happens to the Christian virtues of humility, servant-hood, and secrecy (Matt. 6:3 do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing) ? Sometimes it looks like as if within the Christian community a sub-culture is emerging; one that reflect its own version of what the world is. Example, the designation of a “pastor” is an address to a Christian minister serving within a local church context and recognized by the local congregation as holding the pastoral office. Suddenly, it has become a “title.” Suddenly, it became an address of “honor.” Where does this come from anyway? An obvious lack of theological understanding? Certainly looks that way. But is it an attempt to “create a religious hierarchy” within the Christian community.

Where o where is the desire for a Christian community of biblical purity? Have we lost it? Was it ever in us? Have we ever strived for it? Where o where is the Christian community that fears God and truly seeks for the sovereignty of God to reign and prevail? Where o where is the Christian who truly desire for God’s kingdom to reign on earth (beginning from the Christian community.

Many times disappointments & discouragements pushed me so close to the edge that I feel like giving up, not only in ministry but as a Christian. There are too many hypocrites around. And it intensifies when you are in active ministry. It worsens when you deal with Christian leaders themselves. There is spiritual dryness, lethargy, distance hovering over many Christians I meet each day. I don’t know what to do. While the Lord has given me a discerning spirit, I am careful not to cross the fine line & ended up being judgmental instead. But I grief for the lack of spiritual vitality in our Christian community. I grief for the mistakes of some Christian leaders that was thought “wise.” Simply because decisions carelessly and foolishly made today will eventually bring its impact of hurt tomorrow or the day after. Sometimes, the hurt will be just too deep to heal and the damage too severe to mend.

These are the words of him who holds the seven spirits of God and the seven stars. I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you. (Rev 3:1-3, NIV)

"Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me. When I say to a wicked man, `You will surely die,' and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. But if you do warn the wicked man and he does not turn from his wickedness or from his evil ways, he will die for his sin; but you will have saved yourself.
"Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and does evil, and I put a stumbling block before him, he will die. Since you did not warn him, he will die for his sin. The righteous things he did will not be remembered, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. But if you do warn the righteous man not to sin and he does not sin, he will surely live because he took warning, and you will have saved yourself
."(Ezekiel 33:17-21, NIV)

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Convocation 2007…

It was a great evening I must say. God truly revealed Himself as a great God, a loving Father, and a marvelous Provider. I was pretty sick a few short days prior to the Convocation weekend. But the good Lord sustained me through. The Convocation service ended slightly before 10pm & by 10.30pm, I was almost ready to collapse. I was so sick the next day; I literally stayed in bed throughout the day. My fever must have been quite high. After all, I felt as if I could breathe out great balls of fire!

I almost didn’t want to “graduate.” After all, it’s my third master degree from MBTS & it’s not cheap to graduate with all those fees and dues. But I was glad I went ahead with the graduation plan. The thrill for me was being the first recipient of the ThM (Missiology). Apart from that it was just a small insignificant step to reach a PhD. After all, the School requires a ThM for the PhD entry. And that’s just it. Little did I realize that my little “achievement” brought big impact & significance to the people around me. A fellow graduate from Mongolia told me that she was proud to have met me because she had never met a lady receiving a ThM before. Some lecturers who realized the demands of the program came to express similar encouragements. Because my love language is word of encouragement, it was a great evening & the Lord sustained me long enough to be encouraged and affirmed. There were also families of friends who shared my joy so much that it touched me to the very core! Not to mention greetings from fellow colleagues, students, and co-workers in ministry. Thanks to technology, the whole evening was recorded & I can’t wait to get a copy of that short little moment when I took the scroll to encouraging cheers from people who shared with me the goodness of a great God.

Just another short testimony – most of you do not know me from my childhood. The truth is that I was never a good student at all through my school days. I was the average/below average student. The first time the Lord gave me the impression to proceed to study for a master degree was when I was in my first year of my undergraduate study in UM. I could still remember that moment when I was sitting beside the dirty Tasik Universiti in the cool of the evening. It scared the freak out of me! But those were “formation” years that the Lord took to break a proud, money-minded, career-focused, and materialistic person. And I know He’s not through with me yet…but right now, I’m ready to be molded in the hands of the Master.

I’m writing to thank all of you; for all your prayers, partnership, fellowship, love, and thoughts. The little that you contributed to my life had made quite a difference. The next step is to pursue PhD and there’s more challenges ahead. Why I need to press on further? Because my greatest conviction is that my God deserves the best. He always gives me the very best and I want to give the best back to Him. Because I can only give out of what I’ve got, I need to equip myself when opportunity presents itself for me to better myself so that I can keep giving Him the better from the previous best. And knowing the great God that we serve, it’s worth every effort. I’m glad I gave up everything for Him because truly, it’s worth it!

I believe it’s a little thing for a great God to take an average/below average student to have 4 degrees. I’m a dreamer and I dream big because I know I can only achieve as far as I dare to dream. But I invite you to join me in dreaming big for our God so that together we can bring a difference to impact our generation in this nation & beyond to the glory of our God.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Of Watching and Waiting

It's just one more week before Convocation. Everyone in campus is anxious, especially graduating students. Funny that I still feel anxious despite it being my fourth convocation. I suppose it's because it's another mile-stone. The excitement is in being the first ThM (Missiology) graduating from MBTS. It's making a mark in history, even in a small, insignificant way. But I am careful not to allow this to get into my head. After all, it was just last Saturday when I preached at a Saturday evening service in a local church when I was exhorting the church to be God-minded. By that I meant to remind them how worldly values always try to tempt us into adopting its values. Achievements of sorts in the form of academic/professional gain, career advancements, latest and fanciful "toys," etc.

I believe this is a huge challenge for us, Christians. Being in the world that is constantly bombarding us with its own set of values. And on the other hand, wanting to be Christ-like we have to disregard worldliness and adopt a system of values that contradicts worldliness. When society honors a person with impressive job titles or fantastic academic/professional achievements, the church often got carried away and conform to honor such "achievements." Somehow, as I observe, worldly values have entered the church. In some circumstances, it's way too much & it choked out Godly values. I'm constantly praying that the Lord keep reminding me to walk in His will - at ALL times, even & especially at times when I am at a cross-road of choice between worldly expectation and heavenly expectation. While I'm not accountable for the person next to me, I definitely am accountable for my own actions.

I still remember how embarassed I was at one time last year. It was a casual leaders retreat for the Hokkien ministry (no, I did not share in Hokkien). After the casual preaching of the Word, the pastor came up to me and asked what is it that the Seminary is teaching. He personally witness how a graduate telling his church members that it is okay to engage in social drinking (of alcoholic beverages). I was shocked & speechless. But as I recall that moment, I did some exploration into this issue of drinking. It is clear that the Bible wants us, Christians & leaders in particular to be above reproach. But when we engage in social, public drinking, we lost that credibility. Occasional drinking is acceptable in this culture. I don't know why. After all, drinking (alcoholic beverages) is never a culture here until we became "westernized." It's a real huge challenge for us Christians and leaders especially to remain above reproach, yet, I know this is not impossible because we serve a great God, a God of the impossible. The problem is with us individuals. After being a Christian for awhile, we thought we are smart enough. Just because we are church leaders, we often think we are more spiritual. That's what we think we are, often not what God thinks of us. The Malay idiom rings true to say that the more you are, the humbler you'll be. Because it is "the empty vessels that make the most noise."

I was grading a student's paper yesterday when I read her making a reference to personality types. The Myers-Briggs personality test reveals that I'm ENTJ, the La-Haye temperament test reveals me as Choleric-Melancholy. There are times I am caught in a huge frustration but as I discover myself, I've learnt to allow God mellow me down. But I'm not giving up on my big dreams. If there's one way I want to describe myself, it's being a dreamer. I dream big and I encourage dreaming because one can achieve only as much as he/she dares to dream. Because I serve a big God, I dare to dream big. After all, it takes the same effort! And I'm still reminded of the prophecies I received - years apart from different servants of God who do not know each other - the promise of God for big things and the period of time I have to be in a "cocoon." I'm believing God for big things, I'm only impatient with my "cocoon" season. There's a whole world to reach for God and the place God has for me is not confined. It is big and it is huge - I'm too eager to engage in it. "Expect great things from God, attempt great things for God." This is what William Carey said, a phrase that is still inspiring thousands upon thousands today...

I am extremely thankful for how God has been steering my life and ministry. Yet I know there's still so much to learn. I'm having a lot of fun and it's a tremendous joy to relate/network with missions/missionaries all over the world to see the "big picture." In fact, this is really me - the big picture person who dislike details.

And so, it's only next week before I receive another degree. It's another evidence of the grace of God and His goodness in taking me through these various phases in life. And the honor is the Lord's.