The Road Least Traveled

I feel like Elijah (1 Kings 17-18). After the great “high” at Mount Carmel, he went deep “low” into depression. Within a week from Convocation, having received the highest academic degree from MBTS, I went steep low into depression. I am still pretty disillusioned. When you are in “full-time Christian vocation” your circle of acquaintances are Christian workers, supposedly the more “spiritual” of the lot. Yet, as I observe these so-called Christian leaders, I discovered that some of them are practicing something that is no different from the world. It does not make it okay, just to put a Christian label on something that the Church discourage in the world. The Christian community is so full of hypocrisy!

Again, like Elijah (1 Kings 19), I felt as if true Christianity is diminishing. Yet, a friend reminded me that true Christianity is still very much alive! I want so much to believe that right now. But I want to pour my grief in words. Grief over how God’s name has been used in vain by so-called leaders of His own church. As if whatever action taken in the name of the church will “sanctify” the practice and make it okay and acceptable.

I do not doubt the fact that most people know about God. I have a lot of doubt how many people actually know God. I’m not merely referring to Christians. I am specifically referring to “Christian leaders.” I know many with head knowledge, all full till swelling up. Yet, I know so few, too few who actually know God intimately. How can one deny the spiritual stale-ness when you meet with one that carries spiritual dry-ness within them? It’s not “right” to speak against the “establishment.” But how does one reconcile the apparent, obvious spiritual stale-ness day, after day? It contradict too much with what is right – the overflowing of spiritual vitality. And it is more than obvious in desert, barren spirituality.

And so the head knows. The head knows that we are fallen human beings with our limited limitations. A fact that is often used as an excuse once too often, way too often. As if we are not responsible for our own actions. I want to pray for God to purify His church. That judgment shall start from within the house of God. How dare we stain the Lord’s holiness when we measure spirituality with worldly standards? How dare we use the Lord’s name in vain? How dare we attempt to make right the wrong just so that we can receive “recognition” before men and the world?

Where is the humility? Where is the servant-hood? Where is the practice of what is being preached Sunday after Sunday? Should it not be applied into our lives? What is leadership by example if the leaders distant themselves from the rest, as if they are on a higher pedestal and that rebukes are for those on the pew, not for those from behind the pulpit? Have we forgotten who a Christian leader should be (1 Tim. 3)? What makes a Christian leader different from a leader of the world? There can be no pretense in spiritual matters. One can only give out of what he/she got. (⁴⁵ The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45, NIV)

O Lord, please have mercy on us. We have fallen so far away and we didn’t even realize it. We have allowed the things of the world to dictate how to minister. We have failed as a servant, as a minister. Please take us back to the right track and grant us to be teach-able so that we can be in the light of Your will.

Psalm 69

^{PS 69:5} You know my folly, O God; my guilt is not hidden from you.

^{PS 69:7} For I endure scorn for your sake, and shame covers my face.

^{PS 69:8} I am a stranger to my brothers, an alien to my own mother's sons;

^{PS 69:9} for zeal for your house consumes me, and the insults of those who insult you fall on me.

^{PS 69:13} But I pray to you, O LORD, in the time of your favor;

in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation.

^{PS 69:16} Answer me, O LORD, out of the goodness of your love; in your great mercy turn to me.

^{PS 69:30} I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.