Ministry Update 2: March 2009

I am tired, very tired. I often question if my sacrifice and effort is worth it to pursue an ideal that half the Christian population cannot comply. I question how we can compromise on the quality and services to our own fellow believers, which ultimately is our worship to our God. I ask why we resort to bending rules and regulations, simply to comply with our own whims and fancies. In the first place, why have rules if it’s not meant to be followed? Why do we always use “case by case basis” as an excuse to bend rules? I mean, I understand that we cannot be too rigid or too legalistic. I understand the need to be flexible, flexible, and flexible. But I do not understand why we often try to find an excuse to compromise our faith and beliefs. I find it easier to accept opposition from non-Christians than from Christians, especially Christian “leaders.” I sound pretty much like a rebel and so anti-establishment. But no one will rebel if there is no reason to rebel. Just the same as there will be no smoke if there is no fire. People say it’s unhealthy to compare. But if there is fairness, no one will bother to compare.

As members of the fallen human race, I know all of us have our own faults and shortcomings. But if we confess to be Christians, then why can’t we strive to exhibit Christian values in our lifestyle? If we are no different than our friend or colleague who is not a Christian, that will mean Christ died for nothing and the Bible is but a fairy tale book.

Jesus teaches that,

^{MT 7:1} "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

But he also teaches that,

^MT7:16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? ¹⁷ Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸ A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹ Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰ Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

I think I need a break. A break from the complexities and politics of the urban church (or Christian organization). I have had enough of so called Christian ministers clamoring for titles and positions, not to mention wanting to be served and to be popular. All these to the extent of compromising their given task, which is, as I mentioned earlier, is our form of worship to our God. I really look forward to entering the jungle again, back to the basic necessities and back to the simplicity of the Christian faith.

I just asked the Lord. I long to serve You. Just and simply serve You, which is my heart’s desire. To be solely and wholly devoted to You. Simply to serve as Your servant and to fulfill my calling as a humble servant. But I am feeling very frustrated and very bound up. There are all these complexities here and there and everywhere around me. Complexities created by men as means to boost their own ego and in its process profane the sanctity of the Christian ministry. And I long to know whether the Lord is grieved, what can be done to confront this issue? But I know God is merciful and loving. I’m yet to come near to be like Him. The day will truly and surely come when each of us will be judged. And I long to receive a word of praise from my God, not a rebuke. So, despite the struggle, I have resolved to keep the good fight of faith. Because my God is a great God.

Like how I had started, I am recalling my feeling of tiredness. I am tired, very tired to be striving in what appears to be a lone struggle. If the opposition is outside the church walls, this is understandable. But how do you reconcile when the “opposition” is within the church walls? When men and women who have served the church (or Christian organization) for so long and we should be regarding them as our mentors and teachers, yet it is them that contradict Biblical values?