And He made all things beautiful in its own time…

It was just a bookmark. But it made me upset…why should it? It bears an encouraging passage from Paul’s letter to Timothy, 2 Tim 2 v 15

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.

The bookmark was addressed to a teacher, followed by the verse. But I’m no teacher. Yet, it’s actually encouraging me to be a teacher…But what’s wrong with being a teacher? Perhaps it was what I saw it represented. When I was in the university, the only financial aid that I was short listed for was the Ministry of Education scholarship. I hated being a teacher for the fact that teaching appeared to be a monotonous profession, where you teach the same thing over and over again, year after year after year. Besides, it’s binding…tied to the Ministry of Education and subjected to be posted anywhere in Malaysia. Gosh, how can I ever survive if I were to be posted to some rural towns? There was no other option and I had to barely survive varsity years through the FASIS, father and sister, scholarship. Since then, I seemed to be against anything that may suggest teaching because I saw it as restricting my options and choices.

The bookmark was a gift from Chooi Fuan. I was not exactly thrilled, but she told me that I would be a teacher of God’s Word, who should correctly handle the word of truth. But the long journey had not yet begun for me to be molded as a teacher. It only came at the 1997 economy slowdown and I was unemployed for about 4 months, finally landing myself into a teaching job in a Chinese private high school. God really has a great sense of humor in bringing me there. I hated teaching and I equally dislike the Chinese educated population. Can you blame me? I was treated like an outcast in the Chinese community in college simply because I do not speak mandarin…and I can still remember how I argued and debated with a senior who told me proudly that, the essence of being Chinese is in knowing the mandarin language. What rubbish…and this guy is now the exco of Perak’s illegitimate BN government.

My short stink at teaching, about two year’s worth, brought deep impact. Not only did it help me to tolerate and befriend the Chinese educated population, it also showed me how deep an impact it could bring to the lives of the students I taught. It has been more than 10 years since my teaching years but I am still in touch with some of those students. That was exactly before my entry into the so called full time Christian vocation. The pastoral experience lasted about five years. I know I do not have the pastoral gift to be an effective pastor but I also know I must be a pastor to be effective in teaching pastors. Hence, the pastoral years. Sometimes, you just cannot fully comprehend a certain thing until you have actually and personally experience it. And as I looked back, truly I can declare as the preacher said, He made all things beautiful in its own time.

The passion for teaching God’s word surfaced slowly and strongly. But today I can honestly say, it is a passion that keeps me going in ministry. I may not be the best but I know by God’s grace I am good. And I want to keep improving, knowing that my God deserves only the best and only the best do I want to offer to Him. So, dear partners in ministry, please hold me accountable to this…remind me of this pledge that I must always offer the best to my God. In fact, I will consider it a sin if I offer anything less than the very best to God. After all, He gave me His very best in Jesus Christ. The reason I am putting myself through grueling studies is not for anything else but to seize the opportunity to better myself so that I can always be striving to be better than the best of what I can offer to my God. After all, we can only offer out of what we have.

The rest of February followed by March are pretty slow but it allows me time to prepare the many lessons coming in April, May, June, August, and October. Not to mention the monthly sessions in FGAC and the STCM activities. I look forward to having more time in teaching…after all, it is not only teaching but learning that takes place in class. Finally, I need to comment that it’s difficult having to return to student life and I am slow in getting back to discipline myself to read and to study. Somehow, asking someone to do assignments seem more attractive and fun than having to do assignments myself…

16Feb09

Ministry Update: February 2009

The year had started adventurously for me, with a trip to Medan-Sidikalang, followed by Kiulu Baru, Tawau in Sabah, followed by the anxious entrance exam which by God's grace I passed, and the CNY week. Now I am catching my breath as I settle to the routine. But let's face it, I am a work-oriented person, so a busy schedule is what keeps me alive. I have been praying to the Lord for more opportunities of service and ministry. It looks like He is slowly answering my prayer and I am both excited and filled with joy. Trully the joy of the Lord is my strength. Circumstances around me may seem pretty discouraging at times but the Lord is always faithful and just. A brief look at my schedule 2009...

January...teaching a one-week class in Tawau
March...starting a once-a-month, March till November, class with pastors of the BM church, FGAC
April...teaching a one-week class in main campus, MBTS Penang
End April till late May...teaching a one-month class in Kiulu Baru, Tawau
June...teaching a one-week class in Ipoh, or Gopeng-Simpang Pulai
August...tentative schedule for a one-week class
October...teaching a one-week class in main campus, MBTS Penang

The class in Ipoh will be a trial class at the request of some students. The venue is not determined yet. But I'm not worried. It can be as rural as the Pawong church and yes, Chee Lock and company, I really do not mind that condition. It looks like I am slowly becoming a jungle woman. Pretty scary, right? Yesterday, the students in campus were doing some campus cleaning and someone caught a baby wild boar. My first reaction was to bbq that poor chap. We immediately plan how to lure wild boar senior to our stove. My, what jungle talk...

I recently sent a proposal to a few individual friends to ask their opinion and comments regarding a dream for a new ministry. Well, I am amazed at the encouraging response thus far. But I know I must discern for God's timing to launch this work. Even right now, I know the Lord is calling individuals to share the same passion to reach inward to the rural, jungle within Malaysia. Please continue to pray for the ministry to the indigenous community. They may be poor and lacking but their simplicity and zealousness, a lesson for all of us urban freaks. I am enjoying the fellowship of the tribal community. Perhaps I am just too fed-up with the complexities of the urban society, some filled with hypocrisy.

Please pray for my studies. I have starting my gruelling journey towards a PhD, an effort I would like to dedicate to the indigenous community of Malaysia. For this first year of study, I will be exploring all resources on the various tribal people groups in Malaysia, both in Peninsular and in Sabah and Sarawak. Later, I will narrow the study to a single tribe. The area of research will focus on the raising of local leaders in the tribal community, how age and gender impact leadership opportunities.

This Sunday I will preach at the Jelutong Chinese Methodist Church and no, I am not preaching in Mandarin. I will preach at the English congregation at the extremely early hour of 8am on a Sunday morning.

Finally, let us continue to pray for Malaysia...in particular for Perak. And once again, thank you so much for your partnership in ministry.

Ministry Update 2 for Jan 09

The year started in an adventurous manner for me. I went to Sidikalang, about 6 hours away from Medan to attend a Batak wedding. I arrived in Medan and joined the rest of the team, squeezing into a single vehicle. Imagine a Toyata Unser which is Kijang, in Indonesia, capable of transporting 7 passengers. There were 9 of us in our journey to Sidikalang and 10 of us in our journey from Sidikalang. But it was fun throughout the journey. I had very fun travel companions. Besides Lita, I was the only other Malaysia and there were 2 ang mo kao from USA. The rest were locals who proudly showed us their scenic country. We stopped at Parapat, a highland tourist spot with a spectacular waterfall next to the beautiful Lake Toba. Then we had a Batak lunch in Berastagi. It was 9 hours after leaving Medan before we reach Sidikalang. Even after the stop at a strawberry farm and plucking strawberries from the trees and sinking our teeth into those juicy, red fruits. A few of us decided to go sight-seeing early the next morning. (Lita was the bridesmaid who had to go to the salon at 4am in the morning with the bride). There was a hill park in this small village that housed sections of religious history. There were a section depicting the history of Buddha, Hindu, Islam, and Christianity. We explored the Christian section. It was truly amazing. There were huge statues erected to depict Biblical events, starting from Abraham sacrificing Isaac, and ends with the resurrection. At each station, there were plagues to describe the events of the Bible that was displayed. The nativity scene was simply spectacular. The crucifixion was awesome. There were prayer huts erected at certain stations also.

I had the intention of taking many, many pictures of our friends’ wedding. But I ended up taking more scenic pictures instead! The Batak wedding was quite an experience. I enjoyed it. It was held in a Lutheran Haka Bepe Church and we proceeded to another church where the kenduri was held at the community hall. It was loud with blasting music and lively rituals.

We started our journey from Sidikalang, back to Medan in the afternoon after the lunch kenduri. Again we stopped at Berastagi for dinner. It was a fantastic place, similar to our Cameron Highlands. It was about 11pm before we reach Medan and we just dropped dead on our beds. The next morning, we explored Medan and I was able to source 2 books for my class. Later in the afternoon, we visited a friend in Sukaramai, about 45 minutes from Medan town center. Again, we were served with local Batak dishes for dinner. The next morning I took a cab to the airport to return home and that was when I encountered an accident. The cab driver applied an emergency brake to prevent hitting 2 motorcyclists in front of him at a red light and another motorcyclist came to hit him at the back. It was pretty scary because a fierce looking man came from nowhere and started screaming and scolding the cab driver as if he was ready punch him in the face. But thank God, the fury subsided when the traffic lights turned green and the cars starting moving.

Just a few short days to catch my breath and I hopped on the flight again to Tawau. Arriving late, about 8.30pm, the student greeting me at the airport with her husband and child, drove me straight into the jungle. But I had a fantastic dinner with a simple yet delicious prawns dish and pork soup. The Sunday morning service was at the Kiulu Baru Baptist Church, located in the heart of palm oil estates, in the midst of what seemed like some jungle. I got a taste of rural ministry. I joined the team for a typical Sunday. Early morning was service in the church followed by brunch prepared by church members. Now, this time it was Dusun dishes. Simple jungle food. Then later in the afternoon there was another service held at one of the members’ house. (They rotate the location among the church members). It was at another palm oil estate. The team arrived in 3 cars (2 pick-up trucks and one kancil) and we walked 20 minutes into the thick jungle, no I’m just exaggerating…it was just palm oil trees left and right.

It was an exciting class that I taught. I taught Cultural Anthropology and the class was represented by various people groups, some of which I’ve never heard of before. There were the Murut-Serudung, Murut-Kalabakan, Dusun, Orang Sungai, Iban, Filipin, Toraja, Rungus, and Tombunuo. And of course several in-betweens. They eagerly shared their traditional cultures and worldview. There was a story someone told the class of an isolated people group. They were so isolated that during war times, food was hardly available. So, what these people did was at each morning after they passed motion, they brought their excrement to the river to wash it. Whatever solid that was left were eaten. Another story was a testimony from one of the students. He went to visit another people group and was served dinner. How was the dinner prepared? A deer was caught and it was cut opened. The inside, stomach and all were thrown into a pot of boiling water (without being cleaned first) and it was served! This student testified that he almost vomited eating that and when someone accidentally tore the stomach, the soup was smeared with the stomach content and they still had to eat it. There was also the story of how the ancestors of a student from the Philippines who were brave warriors and during war times with their enemy, they would slaughter their enemy, cut off their ear, and ate it raw. It was pretty scary being in a class who are descendants of such fierce cannibalistic people. One proudly shared that his people group defended the town of Pitas from the invading Japanese army during WWII. In fact, Pitas was the only town in Sabah that the Japanese could not enter because the inhabitants not only killed the Japanese soldiers but they slaughter them, cutting of their heads but left one survivor to bring the story back, also to bring more Japanese soldier so that they have more people to slaughter. Then there was the worldview of the Dusun people who believed that men came from the spirits of Mount Kinabalu and when he dies, his spirit returns to Mount Kinabalu. But one young chap says that Mount Kinabalu has shrunk in its height these days. Reason being that more Dusun have become Christians and when they die, they go to heaven and not back to Mount Kinabalu

I hope the students learnt something from me. But I certainly learnt a lot from them. They treated me very kindly and were often afraid that I might go hungry. So, they were feeding me endlessly. We had a barbeque in the middle of the week. It looks like it might become a tradition here during my visits. There was another home service held on Thursday night. Similar to our CG. It was then that I bite into a delicious kampong biscuit and my tooth filling cracked. I could feel the sharp pain but it was brief. The next morning after breakfast, the whole filling came off Aise…visited the dentist again

I had a fun and exciting time in Tawau, or rather Kiulu Baru. I only went to Tawau on Friday afternoon after class. I was accommodated at the guest quarters of Tawau Baptist Church and wanted so much to spend some time for a lazy afternoon nap. After all, the cock crows at 5am in the kampong and refused to stop until I got up from bed. I really wanted to slaughter that particular rooster. It always crow below the window in my room and refused to stop crowing until I got up from bed! Anyway, I could not take a restful nap that Friday afternoon. SMS came, followed by a phone call, followed by a knock on the door…and there goes my plan to snore the day away. We went to town for dinner. It was pretty late but after dinner, we went window shopping, just jalan-jalan in the newly opened Eastern Plaza. Well, I heard that when Giant first opened its doors in late October last year, the whole town of Tawau flocked to the hypermarket and traffic jams lasted the whole week

I came back to Penang, dreadfully. The past two weeks were filled with adventure and coming back to the routine was a bore. But I sat for my entrance exam into the PhD (Missiology) program and I passed! It is especially significant for me because I have never been a good student in school. To have come thus far is a testimony of God’s grace and God’s goodness. It will be the last (official) exam that I have to take for the rest of my (formal) education life! Throughout my first year will be guided study, the next year is preparing the research prospectus, and the final year is writing the dissertation. Hopefully I complete it on schedule.

This Saturday I will be preaching at BJAC and CNY will arrive. There will be ang pao collecting sessions and hopefully some lazing around, some eating, and some (unofficial) working. I will be assisting FGAC BM church to teach their pastoral team. It will be something like one morning in each month. But it still needs preparations. It will be challenging to teach in a different context and I am very looking forward to it. There is another preaching engagement on 8^th Feb at JCMC and I may just stay away from going to town that weekend, which is the Thaipusam weekend.

Finally, a very King Xi Fa Chai to all of you and thank you for your partnership in ministry.

Ministry Update: January 2009

A very blessed new year to all of you, partners in ministry. 2008 came and went so swiftly. I do not know how the year had been for you, but for me it was a (spiritually) turbulent season. I felt pushed so far to the edge of giving up in ministry and even active Christian living. It seemed tempting to just lead a normal nominal Christian life and indulge in worldliness just like everyone else. After all, what is the difference between secular work and the Christian vocation? I have discovered that there is none.

December was a lazy month. Festivities and holidays filled the air. It was difficult having to discipline myself to focus on preparing my entrance exam which I plan to sit on the 3^rd week of this month. Besides the festivities, were a special wedding between Nix and ST. Attending the auspicious occasion, I met friends from Christ Church. Some of whom I have not seen since the day I left the pastoral ministry in Christ Church. I had so much fun at the “helium-gas inhaling” session. And wow! All the “kids” I knew from youth ministry – they are all grown up! Some tried standing close to me just to prove they have grown! There’s one of them who still remembers well that the phrase “Good things come in small packages” is found in Psalm 151! (I taught them that) Ha…those were the days. When I came home, I had a strange feeling. Never thought I’ll ever experience it but it felt like I missed pastoral ministry. I missed the “closeness” of fellowship with church members and ministering in a wider (church) context. And especially so during festive occasions when pastors “usually” need to play an active role. After about 4 years break from this ministry, it is strange. Perhaps it has been the way the Lord had been dealing with me these past couple of years. And I can boldly claim that I am a more mature Christian today than I was at the beginning of last year.

Before new year’s eve I was invited to visit a friend, someone who used to be a member of the Young Adult’s Ministry in Christ Church. She tried to surprise me but her constant invites (through sms) to visit her at home raised some suspicion and I rightly guessed it that she wanted me to see her 3 month old baby. Though the visit was brief, it was a great time to catch up on each other and to encourage each other as we share stories of how God had been faithful to us.

I know I should be actively serving in a local church and I want to be able to actively serve in my home church. However, the nature of my ministry just cannot afford that. I cannot commit a regular attendance and I have to be available to go here and there. Although this is my “wish” – to be serving the local church (while ministering to the universal church), I realized that as I looked back at 2008, hey, I’ve been doing that. It just did not fit my perspective of serving the local church but I’ve been ministering through the teaching and preaching ministry. And that is my gift and I was using it to worship God through the local church. I saw myself ministering in churches of various denominations in the urban and rural contexts, in the English and BM congregations.

I also realized I have become more “relational.” I mean, I was a person who was so task-oriented and result-oriented that I often disregard the people in between while focusing on accomplishing a quality result as a worship to a great God. So, why on earth did I ever take the trouble to plan a trip, all the way to Medan, just to attend a friend’s wedding? I could have save the trouble and the money to buy myself a new laptop computer. I remember that when I was working in the corporate sector, one colleague said to me that it is very “profitable” to invite SB Tan to weddings and dinners because she will just give an ang pao and never showed up. She was right. I never liked mingling with people and be in a crowd. I always felt I am able to do anything on my own and I do not need anyone at all. So, why bother to “waste” time in chatting with people when there could be a thousand other things to be done, when I could research all that I needed to know from books and magazines. I would not even bother to cross the bridge to attend a dinner but today I am a person who is taking the initiative to travel to another country solely for the purpose of attending a friend’s wedding. What a change the Lord had done in me! I have even taken the initiative to sms greetings to almost everyone in my phone book. I email little messages of encouragement to friends and partners in ministry in other parts of the world. And I can even just take time off to just sit and chat with friends for no apparent purpose. Even offering to pay the bill for lunch without thinking about exceeding my monthly budget, or treating a whole class to a bbq. Or, loaning money to a friend who needed an advance for his home rental deposit. Also, giving little gifts along the way. This is really not me and I am not sure what I have become. But that is not important. Because all I want is to be molded in the hands of my skillful Master and simply surrender to Him and allowing Him to mold a character in me that is worthy for the task He ordained for me.

I’m traveling to Medan tomorrow by Firefly and joining Lita and friends in a 5-hour drive to Sidikalang to attend a wedding. I was told Sidikalang is a small town and it’s pretty cold there. We will spend the weekend there before the wedding on Monday, conducted in traditional Batak customs. We travel back to Medan on Tuesday and I will travel back to Penang on Wednesday. I only have 2 days in the week before packing again to Tawau, Sabah for a week long of classes teaching Cultural Anthropology in BM. Well, Anthropology is a special subject. I mean, I am a major in Anthropology and Sociology in my first degree. But I failed to fully comprehend what Anthropology really is until a couple of years back! Returning from Sabah, I have my only full week at work and in Penang, 3^rd week of the month, which is when I hope to be ready enough to sit for my entrance exam (please, please pray for me – it will be the last exam I will be sitting for (hopefully) in my formal educational life. The PhD program is fully research-based and the final grading is an oral defense). I think I have a preaching engagement the weekend before CNY which will come at the last week of January and I’ll be traveling to PJ on the second day of CNY. Hopefully I get to meet some old friends around KL/PJ.

In case I can’t find the opportunity to write you again, a very Kong Xi Fa Cai to everyone and once again my signature log off line: Thank you for your partnership in ministry.

^{PHP 1:3} I thank my God every time I remember you. ⁴ In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy ⁵ because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, ⁶ being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Reflection & Projection

I remember entering 2008 with fear. And I do not know fear of what. But as the year progressed, I realized it was an attempt of the enemy to prevent me from entering into a new spiritual dimension. During those fearful days, I was confronted with several issues. I was pushed to the edge of giving up on ministry & return to “normal” life (of nominal Christianity). I had to confront the difficult question that if my health failed, will I still love God? And 2008 is the year I entered the big 4-0. It is a phase where (bodily) machinery begins breaking down. I used to hear stories of failing health about my friends’ parents, but I have reached the stage where the stories come from my friends themselves. I hardly receive wedding invitations from friends these days. Instead, I receive wedding invitations of my friends’ children. Somehow the big number 40 bears some significance in regard to an entry to the next phase of life.

I was also pushed further to confront the question, if God calls me home at this instant, will I drop everything & return to Him? Like most devoted Christians, I know how I should respond and many times over I have mentioned the sentiment we all share. The head has all the answers but the heart often refuse to comply. I want to be able to declare to the Lord that, yes, I will leave everything & answer Your call, whatever it may be. Yet, I know that will not be an honest answer because I have grown pretty attached to work/ministry and family. I have grown too attached to worldly affairs. It was a troubling first quarter of 2008 that I went through. And I finally had to confess in all honesty to the Lord that I cannot sincerely respond in a manner I should and asked Him to help me love Him so much that I am able to sincerely & honestly be the vessel worthy for His use. It was a simple enough confession but it brought great relief. I began to rejoice that I’ve done the 40 years of wilderness and have entered into the promised land.

I believe the Lord take me through many circumstances in order to mold a character worthy for the task He ordained for me. He brought people into my life that has strong impact & significance. Simple things happen as if by chance but it has been ordained by the Lord. I met Rev. Laura Rizzo through the net. Although she is half way across the globe, she has been a great encouragement to me through some very difficult times. If anyone of you is familiar with the 5 Love Languages, well, my love language is word of encouragement & Rev. Laura has a tremendous Barnabas anointing & I often read her emails more than once. It never fails to lift me up. I thank the Lord for this unique partnership in ministry; that while we are miles apart, the love of Christ brings us near.

I have completed a full 8 years in the “official” full-time Christian ministry. And what I have discovered is that there is no difference between the secular and the so-called Christian vocation. Perhaps, because we are fallen human beings. But being Christians, we often expect our fellow believers to respond appropriately Christian. When that did not happen, it affects us negatively. Let me briefly list some “defense” to my statement on why I think there is no difference between the secular vocation & the Christian vocation:

1. There was a major complaint about one individual who clearly cannot perform in the capacity entrusted to him and the complaint was made to the very top authority but instead of considering the voice of the people (affected), more was entrusted to this individual within the capacity that he clearly cannot perform. Later it was discovered that this individual made a huge donation to the Christian organization. Doesn’t it look like “buying a job”?

2. A senior Christian minister insisting that Christian ministers must be able to plan what he/she wants to be/do in 5 year’s time. Does that sound like secularism here, leaving God & prayer out of the picture and become “I” & “me” centered instead? New Age Christianity, perhaps? In fact this person can actually make a statement like, “I will make sure this person never have the chance to serve in this organization.” What was the “crime” of “this person”? Simply being from another denomination & was in some disagreement with his peers. And this so-called senior Christian minister wanted to prevent “this person” from entering another denomination (?!?...that appeared in my thoughts too)

3. A senior Christian minister promising this & that, apparently, to gain respect/popularity but never keeps his word. Utterly untrustworthy.

4. A senior Christian minister who cringed and started to pacify a foreigner who just needs to raise his voice to get things his way

5. A foreigner who never prepares her work and complaints come from affected people, locally & overseas. Claiming to be a missionary? Looks more like a long-term tourist

6. A foreigner who is so obsessed with a title that he never bothers to know anything else other than securing a title. I thought ministry is about effectiveness, not titles & positions. Recently I discovered that those foreigners coming in to serve here are actually working in “lowly” jobs back home. They were grave-diggers, dish-washers and came here, often “berlagak” around because there are still Asians who actually idolize westerners. No, I’m not suggesting that we look down on foreigners. Instead, I’m implying the need for the Christian community to actually treat each other equally, just like what the Bible has been teaching all these while. Unfortunately, some people just can’t get out of their inferiority complex and become obsessed with the need to have a title to “feel” secure

7. A colleague lacking integrity. While we should not be calculative in service, better be careful or people may just take advantage of us. I learnt that the hard way. I obliged a colleague to do her job as she claimed to be busy with year-end tasks but when the reason expired she refused to take back the job

I think I can go on, and on, and on. I often asked myself if it’s worth it. I often face the temptation to return to secular vocation. After all, the pay is better, there is more recognition, even better career advancement. But I am here in a Christian vocation where age & gender are two factors of apparent prejudice. Within the Christian community, I wonder how much Christian values do we actually practice? I mean, we talk and teach about accountability, we talk and teach about team ministry, we even talk and teach about self-theologizing. But I seem to look at all these as mere hypocrisy of the Christian community. We expect people around to kow-tow to us without any objection or criticism. Anyone daring to swim against the tide is often seen as being the devil’s weapon. Some went to the extent that criticizing the (Christian) authorities is tantamount to being “demon-possessed” and “faithful Christians” should cast the “devil” out of that person. I know there are many “dissatisfactions” beneath the Christian masks. We just didn’t want to say it. Because once we say it, we will be penalized. We will be that black-sheep, the devil’s advocate, & should be thrown into the “cold storage” of ministry. We treat the brave Christian as an out-cast when the only “mistake” is simply to speak the truth. So, what is the difference? In fact, if a non-believer hurts you, you can accept it easier than if a believer hurts you because you know the former is ignorant of the Bible truth. But it hurts much deeper & it’s harder to forgive a fellow believer who should have known better. Yeah, sure…we use the excuse that we are all sinners. Granted. But let’s be honest to ourselves. It still affects us, one way or the other.

During my “pastoral” years when there was a lack of leadership in the church I was serving, I spent a great amount of time reading & studying about leadership. I read almost all of John Maxwell’s books & can conclude that once you read 3 of his books, you’ll be familiar with his leadership principles. His other books only elaborate various points of the principles. I remember he wrote that everything rise and fall on leadership. And that is true. Sad to say, we lack strong spiritual leadership in the Church. We need men & women who can fearlessly champion Christian values to restore a Christian community that God can be pleased with. We need men & women leaders who dare to stand for Christ even if it means standing alone. We need men & women leaders who dare to be different even if it challenges tradition. We need men & women leaders who are bold enough to be radical just as Jesus Himself was in His time. The Church needs to take charge because what we are will be manifested in the community around us. We need to take the lead to be change agents. And somehow we wonder why the ethnic community leaders are yes-men in the BN coalition government!

I remember the very first leadership principle I learnt. It came from the principal of our residential college in University Malaya. Prof. Madya Dr Haji Wan Abu Bakar Wan Abbas was the dean of the engineering faculty, located next to our Second (Residential) College. It was during one of the “taklimat Pengetua” that he told us how he was approached by his colleagues asking how he could manage his team. His reply was “to recognize authority.” I have carried this principle and it has never failed me. Recognizing authority is to recognize the person in charge of each specific responsibility. Even if I am “above” a person (in the authority hierarchy) I must respect the authority given to the person that has been entrusted to be in charge. If I am a school principal, I no doubt have the authority over the running of the entire school and can over-ride any decisions. However, recognizing authority is to submit myself, even as a principal, to say, the head of the Physical Education department because this person is better acquainted with the daily running/needs of the department & this person’s advise/decision will definitely be better/more practical/useful.

I think what the church needs is recognition of authority & mutual submission. As the Bible tells us, we need to tell the truth in love (Eph 4:15). We should be able to criticize each other in love and should be able to accept criticism in love.

I love ministry. I enjoy ministry. But I just dislike serving in this seminary. It seems to look like the most unchristian place, yet, it is supposed to churn out church leaders! In many ways, I think we still have a lot to learn. Yet, in no way, should we compromise on the quality of service we offer through the training/discipleship ministry. There’s always the excuse that we are fallen beings and we need to look beyond the fault of our fellow believers. This is true, but it does not mean I cannot be affected by what I experienced & encountered. After all, I am a fallen being myself. I was in the CG recently & was asked to share on something along the line of whether I was ever angry at God. I was reluctant because it involve my colleagues and I know it does no good to paint a bad picture of our Christian leaders that my CG members can easily decipher through any “cover-up” I may attempt. Besides I express myself better through writing, rather than talking. That is why I spend more time writing than speaking when preparing a sermon.

I would say that 2008 carried me through the furthest to the edge of giving up. Yet, the Lord always brings the right people to say the right things at the right moment until I realize, I was made to love Him, to serve Him, to praise Him. I confess that sometimes I just want to hurt others in the same way I’ve been hurt. I mean, let them get a taste of how it feels like: to be hurt, to be treated unfairly, and all these within the Christian community? Can there be any hope for the Church? Shouldn’t the Church be the one championing equality, righteousness, and justice? Instead, worldliness overtakes as men selfishly claim the limelight to feel “good” for themselves.

Entering into 2009, I have no idea what is in store. The Lord has prepared me to trust Him more and I’m walking the talk of trusting Him. I am still preparing for my entrance exam into the PhD (Missiology) program. I target to sit for the exam by January 2009. And I still have no idea how to finance myself through this program except a faith to believe that the God who calls, will provide. Do I have enough in my life savings to sponsor myself through my studies? The truth is, yes I do. But enough to pay for the fees without knowing how much the field research is going to cost. And I have to pick an original research! This means I have to actually go to the field to collect raw data.

I often silently wish that the Lord would just call me to serve in a small, closely-knitted church community. That I can just lead a simple, uncomplicated ministry. But I know with certainty, that is not what the Lord called me to do. In fact, resignation to that will amount to retirement from ministry. No, the Lord wants me to serve the universal church and not the local church. It is a macro ministry, not a micro ministry and it finely fits my macro perspective that seems tailor-made just for this. I always feel the need to balance church involvement and the teaching ministry. I know I need to be more involved in church activities. Somehow, things just don’t turn up as it should. I want to just serve in my home church & continue ministry in the seminary. But, the Lord had prepared for me to serve various churches all through the nation while serving in the seminary. This has actually opened my eyes to the wider needs within various church denominations & the emerging new generation of church leaders who are non-denominational in perspective.

I have a dream. Just like Martin Luther King who had a dream for the US. I dream towards the day that Christians can treat each other equally just like being prescribed in the Bible. I have a dream for the BM ministry. I dream for the BM department to realize their potentials, to be recognized as an equal to the other streams, because they are just as good as anyone else. Regardless of whether I witness the fulfillment of the dream, I pray for it to be shared by all involved and all who carry the passion for this work. The Christian ministry is a journey that we each participate to play a role in time. And the Lord will ordain the right person to harvest the fruit at the fullness of time. I believe true satisfaction is fulfilling the job entrusted to us, to do the best as an honor to God, and leave it to Him to reward us accordingly. And it should not matter whether we are privileged to witness/enjoy the fruit of our labor.

Another year is fast approaching. I am praying that our good Lord will continue to strengthen each of us to face the challenges ahead. 2009 will be a difficult year with the recession coming along. But let’s be reminded that our Father who owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Ps 50:10), will surely see us through sufficiently.

I have enjoyed the mission trips along the year. There were short trips with students of the seminary from the BM department. We visited Perlis in northern Malaysia in April and to an urban OA church in KL last October. The amazing thing about these trips was that we were on shoe-string budgets. And surprisingly, we always ended up with excess cash! I really have no idea how those money just appeared! There was a longer trip to North Sumatera last July. I don’t know if it can be categorized as a “mission trip” but my teaching assignments in both Tawau & Kuching were filled with “mission trip encounters.” Then there was the over-the-weekend trip to the OA villages with my CG recently. I was very happy to discover from the pastor there that they are beginning to see the need to train/disciple lay leaders and looking further to prepare the next generation of church leaders. But the one thing that most impressed me was their desire to be local. I do not want to sound like I’m against foreign missionaries or their efforts here. But it is just mere facts that they often cause more harm than good to the local ministry & it is the local church that has to do the “cleaning up” job. Generally, I strongly believe – God establish His church in Malaysia for Malaysians. And that is our primary duty.

I’d like to thank all of you, my partners in ministry. Some of you taking the trouble to read many long blog entries and some (like me) who only skim through long emails. Thank you for reading my ministry journals, detailing my spiritual walk and pilgrimage. I hope my honest expressions reveal to you a very human perspective of a fallen, sinful being who strive to live and minister only and solely by God’s terms. Even with the many degree certificates that I have with my name printed on it, I face as much challenges as anyone of us in this fallen world. It is a struggle to be a faithful Christian in a fallen world. Sometimes, the Christian community itself is no help. Yet, at other times, you cannot survive without the support of the Christian community. And I am accountable to all of you, in GBC, in Christ Church, and elsewhere where our paths once met, as we partner each other to make a difference for our nation in this generation. Please remember me in your prayers as we pray for each other to be effective witnesses for our Lord.

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Ministry Update: December 2008

This will probably be the final entry for the year 2008. It's amazing how one whole year whizzed by so swiftly. Nothing eventful occurred recently. Well, last week was a colleague's wedding in Alor Star and the staff took a break to Langkawi for a retreat. But I was in Penang through the weekend. Loaded with some family chores that needed my attention. Next week, I'm taking my break for a whole week, beginning with a short, over-the weekend trip to the OA settlement in central Malaysia with my CG members. Then I'm travelling to PJ for the week to spend time with my nephews, Jack & James. James will be turning 3 middle of the month.

Right now, I'm juggling two tasks. One, is preparing for the class in Tawau from 12-16Jan. Two, is preparing for my entrance exam into the PhD Missiology program. Honestly, I do not know how to finance myself through this program. I'm simply stepping out in faith. And I want to pursue this because I know I can achieve only as far as I dare to dream and I can only take the people I lead to where I've been.

I'm not sure what 2009 has in store, especially with the uncertainty clouding almost every facet of our lives. But I'll be looking forward to spending a whole month (Apr/May) in Tawau, teaching at PLAB (Pusat Latihan Alkitab Baptis) where we've initiated a "twinning" program. I hope to visit various ministries of our students and to encourage the work in the interior. I'm free (from teaching) throughout the BM Module in STCM next year. This will give me more time to spend with the students in various activities. Most of all is, I'm looking forward to the new work among the Semai people in central Malaysia. I'll share more as the work progresses but as for now, it's at its very infant stage.

At the close of the academic year, someone asked me how I cope with students leaving after a year or two in campus. I'm actually very ok with that. In fact, I think it'll trouble me if I see a person continously, endlessly...I mean, students come and students go. And I have built friendships with many nationalities. I have invites to various places throughout Asia and beyond: there's invites to Thailand, Myanmar, Cambodia, China, Hong Kong, Sudan, Nepal, Indonesia, Singapore. Unfortunately my invitation to South Korea is no longer valid as my Korean brother & family is now in Malaysia (?!) And within Malaysia, of course there's invites to almost every state, except Kelantan/Trengganu.

Before I close, I'd like to send you my warmest Christmas & New Year greetings to you and your family. And again I'd like to thank all of you for your partnership in ministry.