Reflection & Projection

I remember entering 2008 with fear. And I do not know fear of what. But as the year progressed, I realized it was an attempt of the enemy to prevent me from entering into a new spiritual dimension. During those fearful days, I was confronted with several issues. I was pushed to the edge of giving up on ministry & return to “normal” life (of nominal Christianity). I had to confront the difficult question that if my health failed, will I still love God? And 2008 is the year I entered the big 4-0. It is a phase where (bodily) machinery begins breaking down. I used to hear stories of failing health about my friends’ parents, but I have reached the stage where the stories come from my friends themselves. I hardly receive wedding invitations from friends these days. Instead, I receive wedding invitations of my friends’ children. Somehow the big number 40 bears some significance in regard to an entry to the next phase of life.

I was also pushed further to confront the question, if God calls me home at this instant, will I drop everything & return to Him? Like most devoted Christians, I know how I should respond and many times over I have mentioned the sentiment we all share. The head has all the answers but the heart often refuse to comply. I want to be able to declare to the Lord that, yes, I will leave everything & answer Your call, whatever it may be. Yet, I know that will not be an honest answer because I have grown pretty attached to work/ministry and family. I have grown too attached to worldly affairs. It was a troubling first quarter of 2008 that I went through. And I finally had to confess in all honesty to the Lord that I cannot sincerely respond in a manner I should and asked Him to help me love Him so much that I am able to sincerely & honestly be the vessel worthy for His use. It was a simple enough confession but it brought great relief. I began to rejoice that I’ve done the 40 years of wilderness and have entered into the promised land.

I believe the Lord take me through many circumstances in order to mold a character worthy for the task He ordained for me. He brought people into my life that has strong impact & significance. Simple things happen as if by chance but it has been ordained by the Lord. I met Rev. Laura Rizzo through the net. Although she is half way across the globe, she has been a great encouragement to me through some very difficult times. If anyone of you is familiar with the 5 Love Languages, well, my love language is word of encouragement & Rev. Laura has a tremendous Barnabas anointing & I often read her emails more than once. It never fails to lift me up. I thank the Lord for this unique partnership in ministry; that while we are miles apart, the love of Christ brings us near.

I have completed a full 8 years in the “official” full-time Christian ministry. And what I have discovered is that there is no difference between the secular and the so-called Christian vocation. Perhaps, because we are fallen human beings. But being Christians, we often expect our fellow believers to respond appropriately Christian. When that did not happen, it affects us negatively. Let me briefly list some “defense” to my statement on why I think there is no difference between the secular vocation & the Christian vocation:

1. There was a major complaint about one individual who clearly cannot perform in the capacity entrusted to him and the complaint was made to the very top authority but instead of considering the voice of the people (affected), more was entrusted to this individual within the capacity that he clearly cannot perform. Later it was discovered that this individual made a huge donation to the Christian organization. Doesn’t it look like “buying a job”?

2. A senior Christian minister insisting that Christian ministers must be able to plan what he/she wants to be/do in 5 year’s time. Does that sound like secularism here, leaving God & prayer out of the picture and become “I” & “me” centered instead? New Age Christianity, perhaps? In fact this person can actually make a statement like, “I will make sure this person never have the chance to serve in this organization.” What was the “crime” of “this person”? Simply being from another denomination & was in some disagreement with his peers. And this so-called senior Christian minister wanted to prevent “this person” from entering another denomination (?!?...that appeared in my thoughts too)

3. A senior Christian minister promising this & that, apparently, to gain respect/popularity but never keeps his word. Utterly untrustworthy.

4. A senior Christian minister who cringed and started to pacify a foreigner who just needs to raise his voice to get things his way

5. A foreigner who never prepares her work and complaints come from affected people, locally & overseas. Claiming to be a missionary? Looks more like a long-term tourist

6. A foreigner who is so obsessed with a title that he never bothers to know anything else other than securing a title. I thought ministry is about effectiveness, not titles & positions. Recently I discovered that those foreigners coming in to serve here are actually working in “lowly” jobs back home. They were grave-diggers, dish-washers and came here, often “berlagak” around because there are still Asians who actually idolize westerners. No, I’m not suggesting that we look down on foreigners. Instead, I’m implying the need for the Christian community to actually treat each other equally, just like what the Bible has been teaching all these while. Unfortunately, some people just can’t get out of their inferiority complex and become obsessed with the need to have a title to “feel” secure

7. A colleague lacking integrity. While we should not be calculative in service, better be careful or people may just take advantage of us. I learnt that the hard way. I obliged a colleague to do her job as she claimed to be busy with year-end tasks but when the reason expired she refused to take back the job

I think I can go on, and on, and on. I often asked myself if it’s worth it. I often face the temptation to return to secular vocation. After all, the pay is better, there is more recognition, even better career advancement. But I am here in a Christian vocation where age & gender are two factors of apparent prejudice. Within the Christian community, I wonder how much Christian values do we actually practice? I mean, we talk and teach about accountability, we talk and teach about team ministry, we even talk and teach about self-theologizing. But I seem to look at all these as mere hypocrisy of the Christian community. We expect people around to kow-tow to us without any objection or criticism. Anyone daring to swim against the tide is often seen as being the devil’s weapon. Some went to the extent that criticizing the (Christian) authorities is tantamount to being “demon-possessed” and “faithful Christians” should cast the “devil” out of that person. I know there are many “dissatisfactions” beneath the Christian masks. We just didn’t want to say it. Because once we say it, we will be penalized. We will be that black-sheep, the devil’s advocate, & should be thrown into the “cold storage” of ministry. We treat the brave Christian as an out-cast when the only “mistake” is simply to speak the truth. So, what is the difference? In fact, if a non-believer hurts you, you can accept it easier than if a believer hurts you because you know the former is ignorant of the Bible truth. But it hurts much deeper & it’s harder to forgive a fellow believer who should have known better. Yeah, sure…we use the excuse that we are all sinners. Granted. But let’s be honest to ourselves. It still affects us, one way or the other.

During my “pastoral” years when there was a lack of leadership in the church I was serving, I spent a great amount of time reading & studying about leadership. I read almost all of John Maxwell’s books & can conclude that once you read 3 of his books, you’ll be familiar with his leadership principles. His other books only elaborate various points of the principles. I remember he wrote that everything rise and fall on leadership. And that is true. Sad to say, we lack strong spiritual leadership in the Church. We need men & women who can fearlessly champion Christian values to restore a Christian community that God can be pleased with. We need men & women leaders who dare to stand for Christ even if it means standing alone. We need men & women leaders who dare to be different even if it challenges tradition. We need men & women leaders who are bold enough to be radical just as Jesus Himself was in His time. The Church needs to take charge because what we are will be manifested in the community around us. We need to take the lead to be change agents. And somehow we wonder why the ethnic community leaders are yes-men in the BN coalition government!

I remember the very first leadership principle I learnt. It came from the principal of our residential college in University Malaya. Prof. Madya Dr Haji Wan Abu Bakar Wan Abbas was the dean of the engineering faculty, located next to our Second (Residential) College. It was during one of the “taklimat Pengetua” that he told us how he was approached by his colleagues asking how he could manage his team. His reply was “to recognize authority.” I have carried this principle and it has never failed me. Recognizing authority is to recognize the person in charge of each specific responsibility. Even if I am “above” a person (in the authority hierarchy) I must respect the authority given to the person that has been entrusted to be in charge. If I am a school principal, I no doubt have the authority over the running of the entire school and can over-ride any decisions. However, recognizing authority is to submit myself, even as a principal, to say, the head of the Physical Education department because this person is better acquainted with the daily running/needs of the department & this person’s advise/decision will definitely be better/more practical/useful.

I think what the church needs is recognition of authority & mutual submission. As the Bible tells us, we need to tell the truth in love (Eph 4:15). We should be able to criticize each other in love and should be able to accept criticism in love.

I love ministry. I enjoy ministry. But I just dislike serving in this seminary. It seems to look like the most unchristian place, yet, it is supposed to churn out church leaders! In many ways, I think we still have a lot to learn. Yet, in no way, should we compromise on the quality of service we offer through the training/discipleship ministry. There’s always the excuse that we are fallen beings and we need to look beyond the fault of our fellow believers. This is true, but it does not mean I cannot be affected by what I experienced & encountered. After all, I am a fallen being myself. I was in the CG recently & was asked to share on something along the line of whether I was ever angry at God. I was reluctant because it involve my colleagues and I know it does no good to paint a bad picture of our Christian leaders that my CG members can easily decipher through any “cover-up” I may attempt. Besides I express myself better through writing, rather than talking. That is why I spend more time writing than speaking when preparing a sermon.

I would say that 2008 carried me through the furthest to the edge of giving up. Yet, the Lord always brings the right people to say the right things at the right moment until I realize, I was made to love Him, to serve Him, to praise Him. I confess that sometimes I just want to hurt others in the same way I’ve been hurt. I mean, let them get a taste of how it feels like: to be hurt, to be treated unfairly, and all these within the Christian community? Can there be any hope for the Church? Shouldn’t the Church be the one championing equality, righteousness, and justice? Instead, worldliness overtakes as men selfishly claim the limelight to feel “good” for themselves.

Entering into 2009, I have no idea what is in store. The Lord has prepared me to trust Him more and I’m walking the talk of trusting Him. I am still preparing for my entrance exam into the PhD (Missiology) program. I target to sit for the exam by January 2009. And I still have no idea how to finance myself through this program except a faith to believe that the God who calls, will provide. Do I have enough in my life savings to sponsor myself through my studies? The truth is, yes I do. But enough to pay for the fees without knowing how much the field research is going to cost. And I have to pick an original research! This means I have to actually go to the field to collect raw data.

I often silently wish that the Lord would just call me to serve in a small, closely-knitted church community. That I can just lead a simple, uncomplicated ministry. But I know with certainty, that is not what the Lord called me to do. In fact, resignation to that will amount to retirement from ministry. No, the Lord wants me to serve the universal church and not the local church. It is a macro ministry, not a micro ministry and it finely fits my macro perspective that seems tailor-made just for this. I always feel the need to balance church involvement and the teaching ministry. I know I need to be more involved in church activities. Somehow, things just don’t turn up as it should. I want to just serve in my home church & continue ministry in the seminary. But, the Lord had prepared for me to serve various churches all through the nation while serving in the seminary. This has actually opened my eyes to the wider needs within various church denominations & the emerging new generation of church leaders who are non-denominational in perspective.

I have a dream. Just like Martin Luther King who had a dream for the US. I dream towards the day that Christians can treat each other equally just like being prescribed in the Bible. I have a dream for the BM ministry. I dream for the BM department to realize their potentials, to be recognized as an equal to the other streams, because they are just as good as anyone else. Regardless of whether I witness the fulfillment of the dream, I pray for it to be shared by all involved and all who carry the passion for this work. The Christian ministry is a journey that we each participate to play a role in time. And the Lord will ordain the right person to harvest the fruit at the fullness of time. I believe true satisfaction is fulfilling the job entrusted to us, to do the best as an honor to God, and leave it to Him to reward us accordingly. And it should not matter whether we are privileged to witness/enjoy the fruit of our labor.

Another year is fast approaching. I am praying that our good Lord will continue to strengthen each of us to face the challenges ahead. 2009 will be a difficult year with the recession coming along. But let’s be reminded that our Father who owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Ps 50:10), will surely see us through sufficiently.

I have enjoyed the mission trips along the year. There were short trips with students of the seminary from the BM department. We visited Perlis in northern Malaysia in April and to an urban OA church in KL last October. The amazing thing about these trips was that we were on shoe-string budgets. And surprisingly, we always ended up with excess cash! I really have no idea how those money just appeared! There was a longer trip to North Sumatera last July. I don’t know if it can be categorized as a “mission trip” but my teaching assignments in both Tawau & Kuching were filled with “mission trip encounters.” Then there was the over-the-weekend trip to the OA villages with my CG recently. I was very happy to discover from the pastor there that they are beginning to see the need to train/disciple lay leaders and looking further to prepare the next generation of church leaders. But the one thing that most impressed me was their desire to be local. I do not want to sound like I’m against foreign missionaries or their efforts here. But it is just mere facts that they often cause more harm than good to the local ministry & it is the local church that has to do the “cleaning up” job. Generally, I strongly believe – God establish His church in Malaysia for Malaysians. And that is our primary duty.

I’d like to thank all of you, my partners in ministry. Some of you taking the trouble to read many long blog entries and some (like me) who only skim through long emails. Thank you for reading my ministry journals, detailing my spiritual walk and pilgrimage. I hope my honest expressions reveal to you a very human perspective of a fallen, sinful being who strive to live and minister only and solely by God’s terms. Even with the many degree certificates that I have with my name printed on it, I face as much challenges as anyone of us in this fallen world. It is a struggle to be a faithful Christian in a fallen world. Sometimes, the Christian community itself is no help. Yet, at other times, you cannot survive without the support of the Christian community. And I am accountable to all of you, in GBC, in Christ Church, and elsewhere where our paths once met, as we partner each other to make a difference for our nation in this generation. Please remember me in your prayers as we pray for each other to be effective witnesses for our Lord.

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Ministry Update: December 2008

This will probably be the final entry for the year 2008. It's amazing how one whole year whizzed by so swiftly. Nothing eventful occurred recently. Well, last week was a colleague's wedding in Alor Star and the staff took a break to Langkawi for a retreat. But I was in Penang through the weekend. Loaded with some family chores that needed my attention. Next week, I'm taking my break for a whole week, beginning with a short, over-the weekend trip to the OA settlement in central Malaysia with my CG members. Then I'm travelling to PJ for the week to spend time with my nephews, Jack & James. James will be turning 3 middle of the month.

Right now, I'm juggling two tasks. One, is preparing for the class in Tawau from 12-16Jan. Two, is preparing for my entrance exam into the PhD Missiology program. Honestly, I do not know how to finance myself through this program. I'm simply stepping out in faith. And I want to pursue this because I know I can achieve only as far as I dare to dream and I can only take the people I lead to where I've been.

I'm not sure what 2009 has in store, especially with the uncertainty clouding almost every facet of our lives. But I'll be looking forward to spending a whole month (Apr/May) in Tawau, teaching at PLAB (Pusat Latihan Alkitab Baptis) where we've initiated a "twinning" program. I hope to visit various ministries of our students and to encourage the work in the interior. I'm free (from teaching) throughout the BM Module in STCM next year. This will give me more time to spend with the students in various activities. Most of all is, I'm looking forward to the new work among the Semai people in central Malaysia. I'll share more as the work progresses but as for now, it's at its very infant stage.

At the close of the academic year, someone asked me how I cope with students leaving after a year or two in campus. I'm actually very ok with that. In fact, I think it'll trouble me if I see a person continously, endlessly...I mean, students come and students go. And I have built friendships with many nationalities. I have invites to various places throughout Asia and beyond: there's invites to Thailand, Myanmar, Cambodia, China, Hong Kong, Sudan, Nepal, Indonesia, Singapore. Unfortunately my invitation to South Korea is no longer valid as my Korean brother & family is now in Malaysia (?!) And within Malaysia, of course there's invites to almost every state, except Kelantan/Trengganu.

Before I close, I'd like to send you my warmest Christmas & New Year greetings to you and your family. And again I'd like to thank all of you for your partnership in ministry.

Ministry Update: Nov 2008

Time sure passes by fast. I thought we were just preparing for Christmas but suddenly, here we go again! It won't be long before most people will look back at the year that was to evaluate before preparing new year resolutions.

I'm preparing for my entrance exam into the PhD (Missiology) program. It's kind of slow. Most drivers will agree that when we slow down acceleration, our car pick up is faster than when we arrive at a complete stop. For the past year or so, I've been preparing lessons and grading student assignments/tests, thus, to accelerate into full gear to study...it's slow. Please pray for me. I really have no idea how the funds are coming in. The school is not supportive of my studies. They quote this & that policy but reading between the lines, they are simply trying to tell me, "you're not a man!" But the hiccup will not stop me. In fact, I'm still believing in God who has called me & invited me to enter into a big, huge dream of ministry possibilities. And because I know my God is a big God, I will keep dreaming big. After all, we can achieve only as far as we dare to dream. And why I'm bothering to go further academically, it's because I know I can only raise those I teach up to where I am. I believe them to be so full of potential, they can arrive at the furthest possible. It's just like when God sacrificed His Son for me. Though I was a sinner, a wretched sinner with no hope, He believed in me. In a similar way, I want to believe my fellow brothers and sisters that they can be all they can be in Christ our Lord.

Who in their reasonable, logical mind could ever dream that someone who failed almost all subjects in school could enter university? It was already beyond my wildest dream that a terrible student in school like me can enter a prestigious university in Malaysia but the Lord took me further. I could still remember the day I walked beside the man-made Tasek Universiti in UM campus. I could still remember the still, soft voice that spoke firmly into my heart to pusue a master degree. I could still remember my fear at that moment. Hey, who wouldn't? If you know yourself as someone who barely pass all public exams, and even university exams. But I could still vividly recall that afternoon walk beside Tasek Universiti during my first year in campus. It's already a miracle in itself that the Lord took me to university. And truly, it is beyond my wildest dream that I can possess an honors bachelor and three master degrees & am now preparing to enter the PhD program. I can really testify of how good and faithful God truly is. He provides and provides the best. And I can keep dreaming big for a big God.

It's convocation week this week. The academic year is winding up and soon there'll be a new year approaching.

Ministry-wise, things are progressing well. I'm very excited when told of a new OA work developing among churches of various denominations. Main line churches are involved with a renewed interest following a change of leading heads. Please pray for this effort. I can't reveal much right now but it looks like the past years, the Lord has called His people in various capacities & raising them for a purpose and for a time such as now. The pieces are still fragmented but I believe they are slowly falling into place. Please pray for this new emerging ministry. It is 100% effort of the Malaysian church.

November is not as exciting as October or maybe December. But it is a busy month for the school here as we wrap up the academic year. December is usually a month of rest before the Christmas season approaches. I almost have a vacation planned. Well, I'm not someone who enjoys a holiday. I can only do "working holidays" but this was an attempt. However, my friend from Hong Kong encountered some complications with the immigration & has to return by late November. So, the holiday was cancelled. Perhaps, that's God's way of telling me that I need to focus on preparing my entrance exam & spend more time with the family instead. (Maybe the savings can afford me a new laptop! Yay me!) Once again, I thank you for your partnership in ministry.

Ministry Update: October 2008

There seems to be something special about first loves. That was revealed to me during my first visit to the Land Below the Wind. I had so much fun in Sabah. Being an urban freak, my first kampong adventure was spectacular. It was perhaps what people call “love at first sight” experience. The hospitality was simply out of this world. I was treated so well, I felt so undeserving & unworthy. I’ve been to Sarawak several times. Perhaps I should begin exploring its vast interior. Instead, the teaching center was located in the very heart of the city itself. Regardless, it was also a week of mutual learning. I tasted python meat in Tawau, I tasted fox (musang) meat in Sarawak. What an adventure, right?!

When I landed in Kota Kinabalu, I met Michelle & we went to lunch with a few of her friends. I quickly discovered that food servings in East Malaysia come in XXL portions. I stayed with her a night & met her house mates. It’s comforting to know that this young lady who hails from the Eagles (Youth Ministry) in Christ Church, is today an active leader, probably a strong pillar of Hope Church in KK. I was brought to eat seafood & got the first taste of the famous Sabah seafood. The prawns were XL sized. The next day I flew to Tawau. Two of my students were planning to take me round town and they decided to take me to a special place – the jungle! So we visited Taman Bukit Tawau. Tawau must be real small because at every where we went someone knew them. So, we entered the park for free. Dinner was seafood in Tawau town. The prawns were XXL sized. We walked half the town of Tawau in a single night & at every destination, my host met a friend. Shows how popular a pastor is, in a small town & there’s no way you can have even a little privacy! The following day I preached at the BM congregation of Tawau Baptist Church. Then later in the day we went to the school in Kiulu Baru. It was about 40 minutes from town, in the midst of palm oil estates.

For over 30 years I live in big cities and it was my very first kampong adventure. Sunrise is at 5am and bedtime is easily after dinner at 7pm. Night life, as we know it in big cities, is non existence; except perhaps for church meetings. (Gives us an understanding why rural families are big!) It didn’t take long for me to blend in to the kampong way of life. I surprised myself greatly. After all, my only other kampong adventure is during mission trips into the interior but hardly stayed for more than a night or two in a kampong. But I easily adapted for a whole week. On top of that, I had such great fun. Roosters crow, playing the role of nature’s alarm clock. Only that we cannot reset its wake-up call, nor disable its chime function. On my first night in the kampong, I heard the rooster crow and thought it was already morning. But I looked at my watch & it was just 11.45pm. Apparently roosters crow at every hour! Our only option is to catch the rooster & slaughter it for barbeque! There’s even the luxury of a fish spa where little fishes nibble at your toes in the shallow rivers nearby.

One of the students from Kalabakan brought huge prawns. I was told Kalabakan is famous for its prawns. And it’s XXXL sized prawns that we had for almost everyday! I met with Carmilita after the week of class, back in Tawau. She treated me to dinner – seafood again. This time besides the prawns, were crabs! I met her aunt & cousin; her cousin is so, so funny…

I had to travel back to KK to catch a flight to Kuching & it was a 5-hour wait in KK airport. I lost count of my strolling up & down the small airport. Even kill time by watching Hindi movie! That was after grading one student’s assignment that seemed like a novel script! I reached Kuching & was met by Seria. Oh ya…both Daniel & Seria sent their regards to everyone in GBC & Christ Church (they still remember Su Theng & Uncle Charles). The first dish to indulge in Kuching – you guessed it! Sarawak laksa! I also had a good time in Kuching; especially discovering rojak kucei. Next visit, must go there!!! Well, it’s something like gado-gado/pasembur.

I learnt from the students as much as they learnt from me. While I can offer them intellectual/academic lessons, they taught me lessons in simplicity, love (for God/ministry), and inter-personal relations. I remember at one discussion when we brought up the issue of gender. Most of us are aware that eastern cultures are male-dominated. But in every culture, respect is earned. The Baptist churches in both Sabah/Sarawak have no problem accepting lady pastors/leaders. I shared with the students that I’ve baptized, conducted holy communion, preached at almost every church context but I’ve never stood behind the pulpit of the conservative Baptist church I belong to. The class (in Sabah & in Sarawak) was quick to invite me to move to East Malaysia! Maybe I should consider this?!

Several incidents brought deep impact upon my life & ministry. The significant incident in Sabah was in the context of discussion with a student regarding the students’ academic progress and this statement came. Its equivalent in English is something along the line of the student’s expression of gratitude that I have taken a serious concern and care for the development of their studies because no one had shown such previously. In Sarawak, we were visiting a village and the local host was showing me with much pride their facilities. There’s a church built on a piece of land with several buildings for hostel, kitchen, hall, etc and vege/fruit plants all over the compound, with a nearby waterfall & river. However, they expressed disappointedly that their facility will not match the standard of the “missionaries” because there’s no access to modern facility like internet & even network reception is inconsistent. But one student gave this remark. Its English equivalent is an expression of gratitude because to them they hardly have teachers who are willing to live like them, with them (in the kampong environment).

Those little moments touched me deeply. I thought I was just fulfilling some responsibility & hope to do the best at what that has been entrusted to me. Little that I realize my little gesture had impacted the students. Suddenly, the problems I have in ministry diminished to the size of the smallest ant. I thank the Lord for the privilege He gave me to visit both Sabah & Sarawak. Mostly, I thanked the Lord for revealing to me the vast potential of these two places: both spiritual & physical. I failed to understand why no one has noticed this before along the years (from 2002) since the BM department was birthed. I’m in the process of forwarding several proposals to the higher management here (MBTS). This is a huge opportunity. There will be sacrifices & hard work. But for the Kingdom of God, it’ll be worth every single effort. May God help me.

Thank you for your partnership in ministry. Last weekend (25-26Oct) the MBTS BM team went to Shalom Fellowship, Sri Petaling in KL. It is an urban OA church. We had a great time there. I suppose it’s true for every trip, it’s not the destination but the people you travel with. For our team, we enjoy each other’s company, though I had to endure some loud & long snoring! I have to admit that the more I spend time with the BM stream students/tribal people groups, the Lord open my heart bigger and bigger to embrace them and I’m finding myself more and more at home among them. This has deepen my passion to champion their cause & do all within my ability to realize their vast potentials.

I also have a preaching engagement at Jelutong Chinese Methodist Church on 9Nov. No, I’m not preaching in Chinese. I’m preaching at the English service. Once again, thank you for your partnership in ministry.

SAYA ANAK BANGSA MALAYSIA

I have never felt so patriotic in my life! I have never felt so proud to be a Malaysian. I believe we are right now at a spiritual cross-road to a breakthrough. Imagine, I can even break down & cry reading postings and comments on the Malaysia Today website! I have a desktop wallpaper of a SAYA ANAK BANGSA MALAYSIA poster here on my office computer. I am joining the fight to claim Malaysia back from corruption & evil. Maybe even going bald for RPK (?!) But I know I cannot afford to get too emotional. It is emotions that the enemy camp often use to incite undesireable responses.

Let's join the effort in praying to deliver Malaysia from evil...

Next week I'll be travelling to East Malaysia. Will be away for two weeks and probably will not be able to post any monthly updates till I return. Plz pray for the ministry. Preaching @ Tawau Baptist Church, teaching @ PLAB in Tawau, and teaching in Kuching. I'm looking forward to the exciting adventure. In the meantime, let's keep praying for the transformation of Malaysia.

SAYA ANAK BANGSA MALAYSIA !!!

Free Teresa, Abolish ISA! Petition

Free Teresa, Abolish ISA! Petition

Ministry Update: September 2008

Greetings from little me at a small corner on top of a hill over-looking the lush blue skies and green/muddy sea. Ministry has been an adventure. Many ups and downs. Yet He made all things beautiful in its own time. I am aware as many Malaysian Christians that we are entering or rather, in the midst of very crucial moments in our nation. There’s a bigger cause for the church, rather than the individual. All the more we should unite during these days of “birth pangs” to bring forth the birth of a re-newed nation.

I came back from the missions trip to North Sumatra a few weeks ago, but I may be going back there for a shorter period (about a week) in early December. It’s still semester break in campus now, so things are pretty slow moving (and lazy) until school reopens next Monday. There’s still obvious “situations” needing attention but often, things cannot be rushed. After the BM dept head left to return to the States last April/May, I was appointed to assume that role. However, an American missionary later came unexpectedly & demanded to be made the head of the BM dept (!?). For whatever reason, the School (president) submitted to that demand. (Perhaps to maintain the relationship of MBTS-IMB???) So, I had to sacrifice that position. Initially I was very upset. This person is not based in campus & only comes in half a day, twice a week and yet he demands to be called “director.” (??!!) But now, I feel sorry for him. Each time he sees me, he will talk about the “title.” I have no idea why he is so obsessed with the “title.” Doesn’t anyone ever tell him that ministry is not about titles and positions? Instead, it’s about how effective we are in ministry! If we cannot earn the respect and credibility of the people we work with, our ministry amounts to nothing! So how is the school management going to deal with this matter? They are pretty confused at the sudden change of events which upset the original plans but I was told they are working out job descriptions to clarify job boundaries.

I was at Bukit Mertajam Baptist Church together with some friends for the Merdeka Day Count-down Service. Jenny (Liew) & family, a Korean chap, a student from Hong Kong were there too. The pastor of the BM congregation is a student here & he is intending to hold this sort of service as an annual affair. There was an array of cultural display through traditional costume, songs, and dances; reflecting the diversity of Malaysia, united in Christ. An offering was collected as a contribution to the BM dept., MBTS. I’m so glad for the partnership of local churches, who are rising up to support the training of their leaders. Truly Malaysia belongs to Malaysians & the Malaysian church is the responsibility of Malaysian Christians.

This Sunday, I’ll be speaking at St Mark’s Church in Butterworth. Then I have some teaching sessions at a CG. But I can’t wait for October. End of last week I just realized my teaching assignments in East Malaysia is immediately after the Raya holidays. I have to get me tickets early & was glad I was able to secure a good deal. I travel on Friday to KK & meet up with Michelle. The next day travel to Tawau to spend the weekend with my students visiting their ministry/church. The following week I travel back to KK to catch a flight to Kuching for another week. There’ll be a weekend trip to KL the following week where the BM dept “troop” will visit an urban OA church. The date is still pending, so is my speaking engagement on the same weekend at BJAC (may have to swap with someone).

We are already in September. Soon we’ll be preparing for Christmas & welcoming a new year. I’m already starting to prepare my application to further my studies. In fact, just before I went to North Sumatra, I had the opportunity to meet my prospective research supervisor. If God willing and by His grace, I will pursue a study/research on leadership in a tribal group in Sabah or Sarawak

Once again, thank you for your partnership in ministry.

Ministry Update: August 2008

So I'm back from the missions trip to North Sumatra. It sure was different from last year's trip. It's a different team with different dynamics. Apparent changes were seen in the field. Now back behind the desk facing the computer monitor, I'm faced with the obvious reality. Where is the Lord leading me? I want to be able to echo what the prophet Habbakuk wrote in Hab 3:17-18,

Hab 3:17 For though the fig-tree shall not flourish, Neither shall fruit be in the vines; The labor of the olive shall fail, And the fields shall yield no food; The flock shall be cut off from the fold, And there shall be no herd in the stalls:
Hab 3:18 Yet I will rejoice in Jehovah, I will joy in the God of my salvation.

it's difficult to be sincere and honest when considering the apparent "hypocrisy" around. We teach and stress so much on Asian theology and matters concerning self-theologizing, yet our conduct betray us. Secularism creeps into the church and we can only rationalize that we are fallen human beings! When is the "colonialization" of the church going to stop? I was appointed to head the BM Dept but suddenly one American missionary came & demand for that position, then the so-called school management bow to that demand. I am disillusioned with ministry. I really feel so pushed to the edge of giving up. What's the difference with the world if the church cannot champion truth within herself??? Again, we rationalize that we are fallen human being, confine to our limited limitations. If so, we are reducing the bigness of our God into a small match-box. We continue to be bias conforming to the traditional age and gender bias. There are areas in ministry strictly for specific gender - why? Where is our security? Can't we accept our strength & weakness and compliment each other to accomplish the task entrusted to us? Instead, each gender has to feel threatened to the extend of confining the other to their so-called specific roles. Policies, budget, etc were quoted to discourage me from furthering my studies, but the bottom-line I can discern is, I'm not a man.

The events from the start of the year seem to be like "birth pangs" and I don't know what it's leading to. I've encounter "attacks" and circumstances that seem to contradict what God is speaking to me. Sure I want to maintain the faith to declare like Habbakuk that I can still rejoice despite the circumstances, but I doubt my own sincerity in pronouncing them. At this moment and circumstances, I'm in a position of readiness to go to anywhere the Lord may call me to, at anytime He chooses. I suppose, this is how I should be at all times. But I've learnt not to hold dear anything I've been entrusted with: be it ministry, fellowship, etc. We are pilgrims here on earth with no permanence.

A reflection of uncertainty is seen at the larger aspect of Malaysia as a nation. Events each day are building up its intensity, much like "birth pangs" to a new era.

To anyone reading this blog entry - I am a single lady Christian minister encountering challenges as she strives to live and minister by God's terms. Right now, I'm at the very edge of giving up. Disillusioned, discouraged, disappointed. Yet knowing God is faithful and His Word NEVER return to Him void.

Ministry Update: July 2008

Last Saturday I was preaching at a Saturday evening service. For the second time, I received the comment that I look more cheerful now that I’ve left the pastoral ministry! Is the pastoral ministry really that “miserable?” I suppose it’s the context of it. And the personality? I always tend to take “work” very seriously. Thus, each time I notice anything “less than Christian,” it grief me, upset me, disappoint me, etc…and I will feel miserable for weeks. At most times, the head knows how to respond but the heart just refuse to correspond appropriately. I’m still learning to accept that even within the Christian community, there are the “wheat & the weeds.” Each accountable to God & on that Day when we stand before the Great White Throne, judgment takes place. Because God is so gracious, He always gives an opportunity to repent.

Right now I’m serving in a Bible School. As if there are no heartaches? That’s mere fantasy! Ministry is full of ups and downs; joy and hurt; laughter and tears; yet He makes all things beautiful in its own time. Next week will see a busy time for the BM Dept. with over 40 students coming in for 4-weeks courses. Weekends are packed with activities besides weekdays evening programs. Being a task-oriented person, I’m obviously looking forward to be in the midst of bustling activities. After that, I only have a short weekend to pack before leaving for a 10-day trip to North Sumatra. After the mission trip, September seems slow paced before October; a week in Sabah, a week in Sarawak, and a weekend in KL. November will be pretty busy too with graduation preparations. This year, the BM Dept. is graduating her first batch of students. Started in 2002 on modular basis, the students have persevered through the years & 2 students are graduating this November!

Please join me to pray and dream for the BM department. I’m the only “full-timer” here while everyone else in our pool of teachers are part-timers: pastors & missionaries. Even the administrative help I have are students in campus. I am hoping to develop its potential. After all, it’s been sitting motionless for the past 5-6 years. My first step is to involve more locals & create an achievable progression for the OA community. I don’t know why God led me to this ministry. But I’ve discovered so much joy and fulfillment. These are simple people, eager to learn and in need of just a little attention & opportunity to rise up. And I’m glad I availed to God to be a vessel in accomplishing His purpose for these people. But truly, this is a very challenging ministry. Home missions is less “glamorous” than foreign missions, thus, too little attention has been given to this ministry that holds vast potential. Hey, you know the best candidates to reach our M friends? We are also publishing BM books. Christian books in Malay are often imported from Indonesia and they are in Bahasa Indonesia. While similar, we still need to contextualize into the Malaysian context. Our department has published 3 BM books thus far. I believe some of you have a few of them. Let me know if it’s helpful & if you can help us in translation/proof-reading works. We can’t pay you in dollars & cents but will surely credit your heavenly account!

But what am I up to these days? A few friends asked why they have not been receiving updates from me. I’m so sorry for that. It’s more convenient to just post it to my blog. And once in awhile, I send these updates. But for sure is I’m still learning to be a good minister in God’s kingdom. I discovered God gave me a prophetic gift and a close friend is teaching me to exercise it wisely. I’m still uncertain as to where and when I am able to go to “the field” as I have ambitiously plan big plans for the BM Dept. But I’m still praying for that opportunity. I’m still preparing for further studies; by God’s grace I hope to pursue missions research in the Asian context. After all, the Church (in Malaysia) ought to have matured to self-theologizing, and not merely “importing” western trends.

Join me in prayer. Again, I’m quoting Philippians 1:3 “I thank my God upon all my remembrance of you.”

This is my Father's world

I really don't know if it is a good or bad thing that I tend to take ministry matters rather personally. After all, I rationalize that this is my Father's business. So, how can I not be upset when I notice how "unchristian" approaches are adopted into ministry? Is it right or wrong that I should be grieved at how worldliness has crept into the Christian community?

Since becoming a Christian, pastors/teachers taught me that the road to spiritual maturity is when we surrender more of self so that more of Christ will reign in our lives. When I was a pastor, I taught the church that life as a Christian require us to surrender our selfish rights and to allow God the full reign in us. As a preacher, I preach from the pulpit that we need to hunger for more of God in us. As a teacher, I teach students that Christ must be central to everything we do, hoping that my student pastors will teach the same thing to members of their church. I remember that shortly before I graduated with ThM, someone asked me what my plans are. I was asked what I have planned to see myself doing in 5 years time, in 10 years time. I insisted then that I will let the Lord lead me, I want to be in His will and to allow Him to have the final say in what I should do. Yet, the other person kept insisting to me that I must know/plan what I want to do in 5 years time, in 10 years time. As if it is not enough, a few weeks back another "senior Christian minister" asked me the same thing. "What do you see yourself doing in 5 years time, in 10 years time?" As if each of us must plan our lives, our ways. Isn't that the way of the world? I left that sort of lifestyle to be a Christian, then a Christian minister. I have surrendered my life to God and journeying towards a complete surrender so that God will fully reign in me & through me to accomplish His divine purpose on earth. But suddenly, I was told that I must be central to what I want to do. What happened? Isn't God the One who should be central? I suppose if I stop resisting and conform, life will definitely be easier. But my conscience tells me that I must not because the day will come when I stand before the Great White Throne, and I stand accountable for my own deeds. So, I may be a radical, a rebel to the "establishment" but I have decided to uphold my Christian principles. God is central & He will be central to everything I am/do.

Last Sunday the preacher in my home church was reminding us that it's pastors who "kill" churches when we preach incomplete truth. I agree to that. But more to that is that Christian leaders "murder" the church by adopting worldly standards to measure spirituality. It results in superficial Christianity that rob us of genuine worship. I pray that God will come to visit us here in Malaysia & to purify the church. Is it right that I pray for judgment to begin from the House of God to remove the "impurities" within the House? It's time to return to the foundation of our faith, something we seem to have forgotten. It's time to re-kindle that passion of first love for our God that seem to have deteriorate. It's time to restore a holy fear of God that seem to have diminish in our walk with God. I pray the church in Malaysia will awake from her spiritual slumber & understand the signs of the time & urgency of the day.

SB

Cyber Wonder

Technology works wonders. It created a borderless world where we can reach people anywhere with a few quick clicks on our computer mouse. I praise God that He brought a wonderful acquiantance into my life by chance, in cyber space. Check out this cool site at Faith-Space.com

Dreaming Big for God...all alone

Prophecies & dreams often give us the passion & hope to strive towards the fullness of what God has in store for us. I don't know how far or to what extent we should contribute towards the divine effort for the fulfillment of God's promises. Of a fact, if God promises we should not just sit & wait for it to drop from the sky. But on the other hand, we should not also be like Abraham who tried to help God fulfill his promise, where he ended up with his Ishmael.

I think the key is still spiritual discernment. A spiritual character cultivated and nurtured through time and intimacy. No, I really don't think all Christian have it. Also I do not think all Christian leaders have it! What a shame...

Here I stand, dreaming big for my God. But here I stand all alone. Yet my call is to stand firm for my God.

SB

Ministry Update

Dear partners in ministry,

Thank you for your partnership in the ministry. Thank you that your friendship & fellowship has been a blessing to me. Some of you may be like me, who suddenly realized it's already the fifth month of 2008! I've been pretty relaxed lately, in fact, so relaxed since I completed my thesis in early September 2007 & I'm getting pretty bored. Thus, I really look forward to the coming STCM (School of Trans-Cultural Missions) which is just around the corner. There are many activities lined up: teaching, traveling, mission trips.

End of last month, I went on a field trip with the BM Dept to Perlis. It was the launch of our attempt in networking with the BM churches throughout Peninsular Malaysia. There will be many more such weekend field trips throughout the year & its frequency will increase next year. Besides that, STCM will also see several weekend field trips for the STCM/audit students. I was told we will have many students coming in from Singapore this year. Then the BM module in July - I already have an average of 40 students for the BM classes. This year the BM Dept will host the closing ceremony of STCM where the students are preparing to present East Malaysian cultures in dances, exhibitions, and even food!

It's going to be a busy time & I'm pretty excited to greet the next term. After the one-week teaching, I have a weekend to pack & travel to North Sumatra for a 10-day mission trip. The next interesting month will be October when i have a back-to-back teaching schedule in Tawau, then Kuching. And after returning, the following weekend is another weekend field trip.

End of November is a colleague's wedding in Alor Star followed by our staff retreat in Langkawi. Looks like later half of the year is more interesting than the slow moving first half. Well, I'm also getting my hands into two huge, challenging assignments (1) a new (BM) extension center & (2) upgrading of an extension center to a partner Bible school. I'm excited at how the Lord is moving in the BM ministry - both in MBTS & the BM churches across Malaysia. And truly, it is a privilege to partner the Lord in His work.

I look forward to continue my studies next year and also the opportunity for a longer missions exposure. Besides Indonesia, Phillipines is a new promising option to consider.

Finally, thank you for your partnership. Once again I'm quoting Phillipians 1:3
I thank my God every time I remember you
or
Aku mengucap syukur kepada Allahku setiap kali aku mengingat kamu

SB

Another Step Forward

It's another new month and time seems to progress so fast, as if with a blink of an eye we are already entering the fifth month of the year. Although life still goes on despite the many changes around us, I believe many Malaysians are still abuzz with the change of our political landscape. I, for one, have suddenly embraced an interest in Malaysian politics, and a renewed hope & passion for my nation.

Last weekend I attended the silver jubilee of a local church. I was so impressed at the large turn-out. Despite just 25 years, this church has aggressively grown - even surpassing older churches with notable number of opportunities for growth. So, what is so spectacular? I suppose it's the leadership, strategy, and boldness. Many factors may be involved but the most important I suppose is still dependant upon the leadership.

STCM is right around the corner. The slow pace of campus happenings should be stirred pretty soon. I look forward to this and the many other activities later in the year. Mostly are the travels and ministry opportunities. A work-oriented person will still look forward to work opportunities for excitement!

SB

Isaiah 40:31

It's amazing how the first 4 months of the year has swiftly flew by. I've been pretty relaxed since completing my thesis in early September last year. Things have not paced up. And honestly, I'm pretty bored being so relaxed. A little here & there will probably keep many satisfied but not me. I must see loads of task to be satisfied. Last weekend was the first field trip for the BM. Dept. We went to Perlis and it was a wonderful trip. Most important was the opportunity to know the students better. Several other field trips are planned for the year. The next small-scale one is in October. Next term, the missions term, will see many trips to various locations. And I'm travelling with a team to Northern Sumatra.

I read the Isaiah verse this morning and it sort of reminded me again of how we find strength in the Lord. Remembering this verse & observing the uphill task for a spiritual awakening refreshes my soul to persevere. I thank God that He always speaks at the right moment & knows just how to "revitalize" the weary. I want to keep pressing on for my beloved country, Malaysia. God will visit us & Penang will be His gateway to touch the nation.

Isa 40:31 But those who trust the LORD will find new strength. They will be strong like eagles soaring upward on wings; they will walk and run without getting tired.

I'm Accesible, I'm not

It pretty much amaze me how some people who are in ministry, or at least they claim to be, can be so selfish. Perhaps it's the time I spent as a pastor that instill in me that ministers must be accessible to those we minister. What bothers me is to know that our newly elected ADUNs and MPs are publishing their contacts even in the papers but there are "so-called" Christian ministers who selfishly refuse to avail themselves to those they minister. Don't email me, don't call/sms my handphone, don't call my home...unreachable beyond office hours? Wow! Need to make sure any problem cropping up must happen during office hours. What breed of ministers is emerging these days? Seem to be like dead bolders that prevent mobilisation of the church!

I think Malaysians are still very caught up with political developments. I know I am. I've never been so interested in politics before, although I did a course in "Politics in Anthropology and Sociology" during my undergraduate years. The developments in the political arena has somehow affected every aspect of the Malaysian lifestyle. It somehow reveals to us that God's Spirit is moving in a "tangible" manner. I'm glad I have the opportunity to be living in Malaysia in such a time as now to witness "these." And I invite fellow Christians to keep pressing on.

SB

Outstaying our usefulness

Every Malaysian is still very caught up with the unexpected change of political landscape. Rumors abound and talks of uncertainty are the main topics of discussion practically everywhere. One important lesson that we should all learn is not to overstay in our positions. It is true that some individual possess outstanding abilities and we want them to stay on a long time. But we should remember that no one is indispensable. I believe the task for all of us is to recruit replacements. What I mean is, we should always have the goal of raising new potentials and then move on. The problem with staying where we are for too long is the danger of complacency, laziness, comfort, and being too rooted that our perspectives/opinions become too narrow. My problem is for those who stay in the same position 20, 30 years. I mean, move on. Raise people and move on – that’s the real test of capability. However good you are in your area of expertise, it will amount to nothing if you fail to raise a successor. People are always afraid to loose control/power when they give away authority but as John Maxwell mentioned in one of his books, the opposite is true. I believe it is true because the more authority you give out, the more effective you’ll be. The illustration is a bar of soap. It is more useful when it is used. The more it is used, the more effective it is in fulfilling its purpose.

I think the church needs to learn this too. The church needs to adopt the vision to raise successors. No one can turn into an expert over-night. Even from this very day, we need to raise successor. We need to source potentials and invest in them to take over the rein as the next generation emerge. I pray that more will catch this vision. Old things must past. This is a spiritual pilgrimage – we journey through a life that is temporal on earth. There should always be the pilgrim’s mindset. May we all learn to be spiritually discerned to understand the times.

A Cloud of Uncertainty

The General Election is just around the corner. I know many who are like me – politically ignorant. Besides that, we ask ourselves how to cast our votes wisely? We hardly know the candidates who claim to represent us. In fact, we seldom see even the shadow of them at any other times besides the few short days prior to election. The danger here is the emotional high preceding every election and human as we are, tend to be influenced by those emotions.

Uncertainty is one thing that most if not all of us are confronted with each moment. We live in the present with no certainty of what the next moment may bring. As Christians, we have a hope in the future and it is this hope that is keeping us focused; that gives us purpose and meaning; that gives us a faith to persevere the present.

For me, each time I feel discouraged or faced with some uncertainty, I turn to God’s word. In particular, I listen again to the prophecies proclaimed over my life. After all, it is these promises that had kept me going through the tough times of ministry. Yet, there still are times I question God; there are times I got angry at God; there are times I doubt God – all because I am limited within my perspective & not able to see the big picture of how God is putting things in place. Just a little while ago, I asked the Lord whether He has forgotten me. He gave me a promise but it seems like He has forgotten all about it & left me alone in a stagnant environment. I cannot understand & I feel frustrated, not willing to be comforted. Sure the head has all the right answers but the heart still refuses to accept them.

Actually, I’m pretty bored. I am someone some people would label as “workaholic.” Challenging tasks give me excitement & fulfillment. So right now, having completed my ThM, being asked to take a year’s break before proceeding to PhD, confronted with tasks I’m accustomed to for about 3 years now…I’m bored. I’m too relaxed and that’s the reason for the boredom. I’m not a person who can relax, lay back & “take it easy.” Honestly, I just do not know how to adapt to such a relaxing lifestyle. It’s just not me. Thus, I’ve been praying hard for more opportunities of challenging ministries. Pray together with me. After all, we are made to work (Gen. 2:15).

Here comes Mickey Mouse…

Chinese New Year is fast approaching & I’m still able to claim my right to receive “ang-pow.” Somehow, that excitement is fast fading as I grow older. I stopped counting my age after my 33^rd birthday assuming that the following years are bonuses for me because my Lord died at 33 years of age when He hung from a cross in Calvary. Well, I’m approaching 40 and as it has been said, “Life begins at 40.” I’m waiting to see if it really does.

The Intercessory Prayer meeting in campus is progressing well thus far. We have over 10 participants so far with a few regular & some intermittent participants. But it’s good to know that God brought intercessors into campus with a burden to see a spiritual revival happening here. It’s about time we awake from spiritual slumber! I can’t wait as I anticipate the opportunity to ride upon the wings of God’s Spirit as He comes visiting our nation. I’ve had my share of “spiritual attacks” lately. Maybe it’s a good sign that the Intercessory Prayer meet is a threat to the enemy. Maybe it’s because I “activated” my spiritual gift of prophecy. While I can say

^{ECC 3:11} He has made everything beautiful in its time.

…it’s still no fun when you are in the midst of the “attack.” Yet, I am comforted with the promises of God,

^{ISA 54:17} no weapon forged against you will prevail,

and you will refute every tongue that accuses you.

This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,

and this is their vindication from me,"

declares the LORD.

…and His wisdom,

^{ISA 55:8} "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,"

declares the LORD.

^{ISA 55:9} "As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

After the CNY break, it’s back to work. For a start, there’s the Adult Bible Class in church. Then, there are several books (in BM) due for publications; there’s a preaching engagement end of April; teaching assignments in July & October. I have sometimes quietly wish that God would let me pastor a small, closely knitted church in some sub-urb but I know that is not my calling. I can’t say that I don’t like what I’m doing which in fact, I’m having fun here dealing with Christian leaders of various denominations and missions organizations all around Asia. Yet, there’s some silent wish for a more “quieter ministry,” maybe that’s a sign of aging…where you wish for something more subtle, less turbulent, and easy-going. Because of that when I was asked to consider a part-time pastorate in a church located in the main land, I cannot just brush it aside. Instead, I did some considerations over it. Yet, the truth is, I know…my calling is to serve the universal church of God. Everything else at the local church level is the side line.

Some weeks ago, I was preaching at a church that comprises mostly of members of a church where I was a youth pastor. I’m glad of this “re-connecting” network. More glad is to know that they are still keen on missions.

So, as we welcome Mickey Mouse in this Chinese New Year I’d like to greet everyone of you, my prayer partners & friends a very Kong Xi Fa Cai.

Spiritual Revelation…of seeing and dreaming

It is a big challenge to be in Christian ministry. On one hand, we see the evil around us in the world and on the other hand is the Bible that teaches us everything good. The big challenge is reconciling these two through the person of Jesus Christ. Fallen human being as we are, even upon conversion into children of a holy God, we continue our imperfect nature along the process of sanctification to Christ-likeness. Many times we face the temptation to return to our old ways. To some, they believe that when the going gets tough the tough gets going but to others they simply succumb that if you can’t beat them, join them.

I realized that it’s been a full seven years I’m in the so-called full time Christian vocation. There’s been a lot of ups and downs, moments where I came so close to giving up on full-time ministry; moments also when I came so close to giving up being a Christian. Should the Christian pilgrimage be so turbulent a journey? I don’t think so. And as I’ve discovered, it’s only for “a chosen few.” Sounds so “privileged”? As I sought after God for an understanding to this “bumpy ride,” I received an affirmation regarding a spiritual gift accorded to me. I have often foolishly believed that when one is in ministry long enough, one should naturally have spiritual wisdom/discernment. Apparently, this is not so because it is a gift that God will give to those He divinely selects. The gift of spiritual discernment and subsequently of prophecy carries huge responsibilities. To me, there is a super-thin fine line between discernment and being judgmental, and I’ve been too cautious in practicing this spiritual gift. But I’m ready to take a further step of faith to exercise the gift. I realize that I can only go further when I actually take the first step. The so-called “bumpy ride” journey as I discovered is just part and parcel of that special “calling.” Simply because, as the prophet Amos said,

^{AM 3:7} Surely the Sovereign LORD does nothing

without revealing his plan

to his servants the prophets.

It’s “scary” to see through the eyes of God. Especially on matters that are not too right happening in His church. It’s no “fun” to feel the grief of God over matters close to His heart that His under-shepherds cause a mess. Yet, and surprisingly so to our limited human understanding, it is so much a privilege to be “chosen” by God to hear His heart-beat and share in His grief. In fact, it’s an honor to be “chosen” by God to “see” what others cannot, to “feel” what others can’t, to “grief” while others “rejoice,” and to stand in the gap for my fellow believers in the faith besides teaching & preaching what the Lord lays upon my heart to convict His church.

Thus far as the Lord has taken me, I’m still being molded in the hands of the Master who is carefully “re-constructing” me into the image of His Son, Jesus. A glance through the turbulent Christian faith journey has always revealed a sense of awe at the greatness of God because,

^{Ecc. 3:11a} He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Entering 2008

For almost seven years, my off day was on Monday. I took the liberty to do every possible task on Mondays. The crowd is always small on the first day of the week. However, from this year, I'm returning to be "normal" with a regular Monday-Friday work schedule. It's difficult to get use to this. I have to "learn" to join the crowd and get used to long waits.

I doubt if anyone like changes. But if we do not change, we do not grow. Besides, maintaining the status quo will only lead to being too comfortable in our comfort zones which is ideal to breed complacency. I remember one important principle from the workbook "Experiencing God," by Henry Blackaby. This Bible Study material was so very popular in the middle and late 1990s. It says we just can't remain where we are and join God. We need to move as the Spirit of God moves. And this definitely requires change, constantly.

Joh 5:17 But Jesus said, "My Father has never stopped working, and that is why I keep on working."