Entering the New Year: Ministry Update

I thought I just wrote a similar update a little while ago and suddenly, we’re entering into another new year. Time is not just flying, it seems to be speeding by like a jet plane or something. Well, I have left MBTS after 5 years of ministry there learning the most important lesson that regardless of the secular or sacred vocation, people are still fallen human beings prone to every evil known to men.

Being a workaholic, it sure was depressing for me to be relaxed and I’ve been very relaxed since May this year. Hey, I’ve been doing what I was doing for 5 years, what else is there unless I can proceed further with new, improved approaches and methodologies. And because I was not given that privilege, I felt so redundant to the point of depression. We cannot afford to fall into a maintenance mode in ministry. Unfortunately, in many instances, the church/Christian organization is merely maintaining itself without growth.

So I ask myself why I need a break? I should just jump back into active ministry. But I was in a way forced to take it slow. After all, I need to work at the phase of my co-workers. This new year, I have taken the delicate step onto uncharted waters. I have taken a leap of faith into a ministry of huge and vast potentials. I fearfully enter into a challenging task. Ok, so I’m skillful to play around with words. But it is an exciting step for me as the Lord takes me to another phase. I am never a person who can do the same thing over and over again one more time. Thus, I’m always seeking fresh challenges and adventures. And this seems to be it. And I pray and seek your prayer support to build the teaching ministry among the Orang Asli in Peninsular. It is going to be real tough, I am anticipating it. Yet, believe me, the next BIG thing to hit the church will be a revival from the indigenous touching our neighbors to impact this nation. I pray we will be together to witness this huge phenomena.

You know? I’ve always held some kind of prejudice against the Chinese-ed. It started from my campus days when those of us who cannot speak mandarin were treated like an outcast in our own Chinese community. Ok, so this is where racial polarization is birthed – in varsity campuses! In fact, I can very well remember the person who insisted that knowing the mandarin language is the very essence of being Chinese. (Yes Lynette, it’s that old horse, who else? Glad I’m not in Perak) So I have this assumption that the Chinese ed people are just too narrow-minded, square, and A++ in super boredom. And it doesn’t help that a huge population of MBTS are Chinese ed or from China itself. Though my years in CC does help a bit, I mean, hey ST and HA fun people, bah?! But guess what? I met a youth group from a Chinese church and they have got to be in the top three of the craziest people I’ve ever met!!! What an experience. ..And more than that is what I have learned. Christians are people, some with false declarations and some genuine conversions but they are found in every and any church regardless of denomination or background. But hey, isn’t it about time we break down the denomination wall in church? Huh? Where’s the amen fellas???!!!

I’ve got to discipline myself back to my studies. It is fun to assign work to students but having to attend to the assignments as a student is another story. I have to start revising my research proposal for a second submission. But it looks like it has to start in January after the holiday break. There’s just something about the holiday mood. It seems to spread in the air, and catch unexpecting victims to laze through the days in slow motion mode.

It was a busy Christmas day for me. Really… I was with a Lutheran church morning service but had to skip the fellowship lunch to drive to Bukit Mertajam to speak in a Bahasa church for their Christmas service. I was given the estimate of an hour’s drive of distance. I supposed the pastor was anticipating bad traffic. However, traffic was unusually smooth. Even at traffic lights, it was green all the way & I reached the destination in half the estimated time! It was a wonderful service filled with performances of joy and Christmas cheer. I was a bit disappointed though, at the buffet spread. I was expecting some kampong treats but discovered a city menu! Aise…a bahasa church and you find salad with mayo on the table…adui…

But it was a fun Christmas for me especially with the opportunity to meet again my former pastor & family. Geez…it has been about 15 years. And once again like last year, I was swept into an unexpected nostalgia. There’s just something about coming together as a church family that touched deep into the core of my being. I was at a youth camp and was reminded that my major is missiology and my minor is still youth. Once again, realizing I need to constantly take a step back to see the larger picture of ministry and not to be too narrowly focused.

To all my ministry partners that stretch across various denominations, I thank you for walking with me along this journey of faith. I thank you that we are together to work towards the fulfillment of God’s purpose here in Malaysia. I thank you that we are here with the passion to make a difference for our nation in this generation.

PHP 1:3 I thank my God every time I remember you.

PS: Oh ya, I’d also like to thank those who are very concern for my health. Let me explain that I have a goiter and it is harmless. It is only the swelling of the thyroid glands but it is still doing what it is suppose to do. I have consulted two specialists and was advised not to remove it because it is not causing any harm. But thank you for your concern.

Ministry Update December 2009

Tomorrow is my last day serving in MBTS. There had been times of laughter and times of tears. Generally, it has been a time of learning. The most important lesson learnt is that there is no difference serving in a secular capacity and the so-called sacred vocation. We are all still fallen human beings, regardless of whether we are Christians, Christian leaders, or unbelievers. So, I’ve learnt to just let it go when people wronged me because ultimately, each of us stands accountable before God Himself.

The next two months will be the time of transition. And I seek your prayer support to settle down in the new ministry. It is an exciting venture. One of huge potential and enormous prospects, to the extent that I am fearful considering how a little person like me is able to manage this huge job. Of course I also feel so very privileged because I know the Lord would not have called me into this capacity if He doesn’t think I’m capable of it. Please pray along with me along the exciting ministry of big challenges.

There will be a two-tier approach in this teaching/training ministry among the indigenous church. Basic training sends us into the interior while advance training brings them to town where it is more accessible to various resources. The basic tier is a channel almost anyone can contribute. There will be training of very practical needs – Christian and practical living skills. Even teaching children simple A, B, C is relevant. Even sharing the very little we have to offer is a blessing in itself.

I’m hoping that for the rest of this month, I can just relax and slowly go about catching up with my things. Also, I hope there’ll be opportunity to spend time with friends near and far. This Saturday I have a preaching engagement followed by a youth camp, well, is actually a young adults camp. Then, I’m taking a break to PJ after Christmas to spend time with family and hopefully can catch up with some old friends I recently re-met through facebook. The third module of PLK is scheduled for end of January. And we are also planning for a retreat in March.

Thank you for your partnership in ministry. I pray that we continue our networking as we grow together and build the kingdom of God in our generation in our nation.

Ministry Update 091109: Leaving on a Jet Plane

This morning I submitted my resignation. Never expected it to be so difficult. After all, I’ve cried myself buckets of tears through the months. I suppose it’s because I’ve grown too attached to the work, the people, and a bit too comfortable with the familiar. But it’s time to move on. And I must admit that I’m a bit fearful taking that delicate step onto the uncharted waters. However, the scope, prospects, potentials are way too enormous and exciting. Maybe it’s because I’ve not seen a solid team yet and that’s why I’m fearful. But I have a God who is faithful and that is enough. More than that is knowing that God had brought several brothers and sisters to come alongside me along the long months of waiting and discerning.

I’m leaving MBTS in early December. Although initially planned to start with the new ministry on 1st January, there are apparently some administrative procedures that requires some preparations and I can only officially be admitted 1st March. So I have a longer time to myself, to visit my students’ ministry and attend to some personal matters. However, January I have 2 one-week class in Kuching and in Penang to occupy me and February is CNY month. Not much break actually, come to think of it!

Please join me to pray for this transition period. November is pretty filled with preaching/teaching engagements. Just preached at AIMC last Sunday, my first experience preaching at 2 services and being interpreted into mandarin and hokkien! This week is filled with activities in campus, culminating with the graduation service this Friday. Then next Thursday, a team of us will travel to Gopeng for a 2-day trip to conduct the second module of PLK training. We return on Saturday afternoon and I have a preaching engagement the next day, Sunday. December, the holiday month but I have a preaching engagement plus a speaking engagement at a youth camp.

Once again, friends…I thank you for your partnership in ministry.

PS: anyone familiar with GPS unit/know someone who does? Can advice me on this? M planning to get a unit to help me familiarize with Ipoh as I’ll be travelling frequently there. Perhaps someone wants to upgrade to a better unit, you can pass me your old unit ;)

Ministry Update October 2009

It has been a time of waiting and as a norm for many urbanites, it is also a very trying season. Because we are simply impatient creatures. So, this is my situation right now. Yet, prospects are promising. There had been both positive and negative responses to the new work I am initiating with a team of OA pastors. And right now is to know when to do what at the right “kairos” moment. Sounds exciting? Well, it is also pretty “fearful” for me as I need to know how and when to walk on the delicate steps of uncharted waters. I am happy for the many brothers and sisters that the Lord had bought into my path to offer input and partnership. The Malay proverbial saying is true; tak kenal maka tak cinta. Because unless one truly love and is burdened for the OA community, every effort will only be a possible failure. But if you are burdened, then every effort is a possibility to success. I know many good-intentioned advices that served as a precaution, yet, the truth is still this: ministry requires risks. If we dare not take the risk, we exhibit our lack of trust in the God who called us.

Last week was a week of class with 8 students ministering to the OA community. Some of them are based in the interior while some in the big cities. When I was preparing the course, cross-cultural ministry, I was a bit skeptical on how relevant the course is to the students. But after a whole week, I can confidently conclude that it is. Bringing it against the background context of our nation, the course was designed for every minister to go beyond racial lines and the understanding of cultures for an effective ministry is important. A lot was exchanged in the classroom. Knowledge, culture, understanding, dreams, prospects, etc. Also discussed was the forbidden hushed-hushed topic of church governance and politics. Well, I did say there was an exchange of many sorts! But this is relevant to me as I liaise with the various church/denominations to consolidate efforts in ministry to the OA community around the Cameron Highlands region.

There are not much activities planned in October. I’ve been asked to sit in a class my dissertation supervisor will be teaching in late October. Apart from that is grading of papers and planning for PLK. Also a lot of prayers to discern the next steps. I am a bit sad recently when I heard of some brewing problems in a local church. Sadder still to know that there is a possibility that the whole congregation may dissolve. Well, God has His ways to churn out faithful disciples. Often, we cannot comprehend it.

I have two preaching engagements in November (in a Methodist church and in a Lutheran church) besides a weekend class at PLK in Gopeng. Funny, as I observe. I am indeed moving mainly in the traditional church circles! Then December will approach before we prepare to bid farewell to 2009. Join me in prayer as we partner each other to be effective in what we do to honor God in Malaysia. Once again, I thank you for your partnership in ministry.

Ministry Update: A Historic Moment

Last weekend was the soft launch of PLK Semenanjung. PLK, or, Pusat Latihan Kristian is a joint initiative to establish a training center for the indigenous community around the region of Cameron Highlands. It was birthed last year when I was chatting with a group of students and realized we share the same vision and passion to develop the indigenous community in a holistic manner. So, what is PLK? It is an organization to train Christian leaders to be credible individuals in the church and an effective Christian witness in the community. It will take a modular approach where students will come for a full day study. Upon completion of 12 modules, they will receive a certificate. A module will be offered once every two months and will cover three areas: Basic Bible Knowledge, Ministry Skills, and Living Skills. Last Saturday, we conducted a class on Christian leadership and the next module will be held in November for Church administration. 6 participants turned up. Although the number was lesser than anticipated, we are happy because those who were present were very hungry for training. We are also happy with the participation because we realized we failed to publicize the school adequately and planning should be better organized. The venue was at Hosana Church in Kampong Pawong and meals were prepared by church members. For the next module, we will hold it at an unused kindergarten belonging to the Methodist church in Gopeng town itself. Although this venue may incur some additional expenses, the facilities are better; there are classrooms, bedrooms, tables/chairs, etc.

The organizing committee of PLK includes me, 2 OA pastors from the Anglican Church, and 2 OA pastors from the Methodist Church. Our partners include individuals from various church denominations that share the conviction to minister in raising the OA community in Peninsular Malaysia. At present we are seeking a church/Christian organization to adopt our work so that we have an accountability in terms of spiritual coverage and financial assistance. We realized that for any effort to grow efficiently, we must have someone focusing on the effort on a full-time basis. I pray that I have the opportunity to fully work in this ministry. It will be the first of its kind in Malaysia where we are training Christians in a holistic manner that prepares them not only to be good Christians but also enable them to earn a living in an honest and profitable manner. The Malaysian church is indeed the responsible of Malaysian Christians.

Some time ago, I was asked why I want to invest in this ministry. After all, the training needed is only basic and I am pursuing a PhD. I was both upset and disappointed at such a question. Who decides which group of people deserves this and not that? Who decides but men ourselves? In God’s eyes we are all created equal and beautiful. Sure the OA community may not be as “intelligent” as we understand intelligent to be. But who are we to decide that they do not deserve something better? I know I can only lead people to where I have been. If I have the highest qualification, then that is as far as I can lead them to. And surely the OA community has the potential. They only need an opportunity and a little attention. Both of which our urban society failed to give them, because we consider them “not intelligent.” That is why we are starting this training center. The present training structures just do not minister to them and the curriculums offered are just not relevant. The approach of our center will have a two-tier training where pastors/senior pastors will be upgraded from their bachelor/diploma level to master level and they will be training the new candidates for a certificate/diploma level. At present, we seek the recognition of participating churches before we can actually acquire ATA accreditation which will need a lot of effort and a long journey. Better still if an existing Bible School can adopt us into their organization. Then, we can “ride” on their accreditation.

Please pray for us. Our Anglican partners will meet with their bishop with the proposal and pray with us for a favorable response to this ministry. Pray with us for the networking with other churches that have their own OA outreach in various places scattered throughout the region of Cameron Highlands. These include the Methodist, Lutheran, FGA, AOG, etc.

Pray with us for the next module in November. Also, please remember to pray for me and my role in this new, exciting ministry venture. There’s a lot of uncertainty but a lot of opportunity to grow in faith. If God gave me the passion and conviction for this work, He’s got to help me accomplish this task He’s given me. It is God-sized and a mere sinner like me is powerless to do anything apart from Him.

Please pray for me to make wise and Godly decisions with options available and also to have the faith to venture into unchartered waters for the glory of God in this nation, in this generation. I have a week of classes in MBTS in early October, PLK training module in November, a preaching engagement in November, a speaking engagement at a youth camp in December.

Thank you for your partnership in ministry.

Ministry Update September 2009

August was a busy month, filled with activities. But I enjoyed myself tremendously. I have come to feel so at home with the indigenous community. And it is truly both a privilege and honor that they accept me as one of them. In fact, they have become so much a part of me.

Pastors and student pastors from Sabah, Sarawak, and central Peninsular came for four weeks of classes. On the three weekends here, there were activities aimed to bond us as a community. The first two weekends were the gotong royong in campus. Despite the physical challenge to trim trees, cut branches, and other landscape tidy-up, it was a great time of community work. And I have the pictures to prove it. The third weekend, we chartered a school bus to take us to Gopeng. About 40 of us were divided into 4 teams and each of the teams went into villages in the interior of Perak. One team went to Kampong Pawong, another to Ulu Groh, another to Ulu Kampar, and the other to Kampong Kapayang. It was an exciting trip. Despite being just a weekend trip, it was truly enjoyable. All participants had fun encountering new challenges and environment. We arrived in Gopeng on Saturday afternoon and made our ways to the four villages, arriving late afternoon and relaxing indoors from the pouring rain outside. There were night meetings scheduled for Saturday and the usual Sunday morning worship. After the morning worship, each team made our way back to Gopeng for the Sunday afternoon worship. We arrived back in MBTS campus at about 10pm.

The amazing testimony is that God truly loves us. He held back the rain till everyone reached our destination. He answered the honest prayers from our hearts when we prayed for wild boar to be caught. I was with the team that went to Ulu Kampar. It was a village that required about 55 minutes’ hike through muddy, narrow pathways into the jungle. We walked along muddy paths with thick greeneries on both sides. It was drizzling and made the muddy paths even more slippery. We arrived at Kampong Ulu Kampar at about 3pm and the moment the last team member stepped on the church ground, the rain poured super heavily. It was as if God was holding back the rain till we arrived at our destination. With the heavy downpour that lasted more than an hour, water supply was cut. It was because the water source came from the jungle and somehow, water supply will be cut when it rain heavily. Minutes after we arrived, news came that two wild boars were caught in the trap. The guys were very excited because they had been praying for it. The ladies, Ps Madia and myself were arranged to spend the night in a church member’s home while the guys slept in the church. Actually, I was a bit disappointed at that arrangement, knowing that the guys would be barbequeing the wild boar head late at night for supper. And if we joined the guys, it’ll be improper to return to a host’s home at midnight! After the morning worship on Sunday, we made our ways back to Gopeng. Upon arriving at the church in Gopeng, there were leeches on the floor brought back by those of us who went into the jungle. I did not realize that I was one of those “carriers.” I was wearing a black track-pants and suddenly felt as if it was wet in my right knee. When I pull up my pants, it was so bloody. Apparently, I was bitten by a leech. I just wanted to run to the bathroom to remove all clothes and take a good shower. When I was in the bathroom, I removed my t-shirt only to find a leech sucking my blood right on my stomach! What an experience…2 love bites from jungle leeches!

We had a student joining us for the first time. He’s from Pulau Bintan near Singapore. He’s an Indonesian Chinese and wrote a very inspiring song for Malaysia. I must confess that the lyrics touched my heart so deeply because it really echoes my cry for God to heal our land. The video is posted in my facebook site. (http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/SB.anakbangsaMalaysia?ref=profile)

Such talent, and I must add further that there are such talent among our own Sabah, Sarawak, and Peninsular students. I must further add that since my four weeks stay in the interior of Sabah in May, I have realized the vast potential in the Malaysian church. And it is this realization that prompted me to do more for them. And it became more attractive for me to invest into the Christian Training Center that I am initiating together with 2 Semai pastors. Jesus did not come to earth and stationed Himself in the city, requiring His followers to change their context in order to be His disciples. Instead, Jesus came and contextualized into our context to reach us at where we are and call us to be His disciples. Thus, the approach of our training center where we will go into the interior to reach the people, to teach them at where they are. In this approach, the teachers go into the interior to teach, instead of bringing the students out from their contexts. Please join us to pray for this God-sized project. It was last year when we were just chatting among ourselves when we realized we share the same burden to train the new generation of OA Christians and we devised this approach where we hope to raise the standard of the OA Christians from where they are, in their own context and familiarity.

September is a month for me to catch up on some paper work. There are term papers to grade, two preaching engagements, and two Saturdays to visit the new organization for me to get acquainted with. But I am still very hopeful for the Christian Training Center to take off through the network with another Seminary. I truly covet your prayers and your partnership in this huge dream. But I dare to dream it because I know I serve a big God.

Tough decisions

It was a real tough decision that I was confronted with. It took much effort and tears to decide to remain in the BM work. But whether or not it should be from the platform of MBTS is all together a different issue. I had the last straw recently. If the head of the organization is supportive but I have a terrible colleague, I think I can continue on. If the head of the organization is not supportive but I have a good colleague, I can still continue on. However, when the combination is an unsupportive head of organization and a terrible colleague, I think there's no way I can continue on. I will only be frustrated every single day. Yes, I very much want to remain in the BM work and yes, I am pursuing this passion but, no, I doubt it will be from the platform of MBTS. There's more than one way to serve and I am opting for another platform to continue serving in the BM ministry.

Recently, I requested for a RM600 subsidy for a weekend trip for the BM students and there's no news of it at all after three weeks. An advance for RM500 was quickly approved, almost without the second wink of an eye for a weekend trip which involve foreign students. I was truly devastated by such a response. I suggested that we should get to know the people we minister before implementing anything new and this terribly arrogant colleague just snapped at me claiming that he has 15 years of field experience and he knows all there is to know. I have no field experience at all. I'm only a Malaysian, living in Malaysia, ministering to Malaysians. Cannot compare to an American ministering in the Asian field more than a decade!

Call me hasty, call me emotional, call me whatever. But imagine yourself in my shoes. Can you continue to serve with joy in such a context? It is too sad for me to have to make this decision. Most of the BM students are here in campus now and I have to hide this from most of them till an appropriate time. Is really a tough decision. Please pray for me. I greatly appreciate your partnership in ministry.

Ministry Update August 2009

It was just this morning when I stepped out of the gate that a middle-aged man with graying hair and a huge pot belly called me. No, I could not recognize him. And he had to introduce himself. He was my senior in college back in UM. And gosh, he looked so different with that huge pot belly. We did not chat. It was just an exchange of greetings. I think he was offended because my first reaction was to exclaim that the person I knew was not so fat! And yes, just like my sister sms-ed to me, I knew how to spoil a person’s day…

I have the privilege and opportunity to connect back with old friends. And I am still wondering at the significance of the events that unfold. Suddenly, the Lord is reminding me of my past? Old friends from school and college came back into my life, one after another. There’s something about it that I just can’t put a finger on.

Last weekend I was in the OA villages. One significant evening service I heard the Lord speaking clearly into my heart. He asked me if I am willing to give this up? I was enjoying worship in the midst of our indigenous brothers and sisters. And at the back of my head was still this offer to leave this and take up a position that comes packaged in prestige, honor, respect, not to mention a comfortable pay check. No, I was not willing to give that up. Difficult as it may be, I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back, no turning back…

The BM Module of STCM has started yesterday. Students from Sabah, Sarawak, and central Peninsular are all here. A few will come a bit later due to clashing demands in ministry. Please pray for us. The weekends will have the students do some gotong royong work in campus. They will climb trees, cut the branches, trim the grass, etc…Some of these stunts can be quite dangerous. Then the third weekend, everyone packs up for a weekend visit to the OA villages. They will be divided into several teams to visit several kampongs. The weekend before Merdeka Day, they will travel back home. A few will stay put a little longer to plan a Merdeka Day service concert with BMBC.

Please pray for me. Besides overseeing all activities, I’ll be teaching a class next week on the prophetic ministry in the modern church. Pray also for our trip to the OA villages. We are not getting any subsidy for this trip. And that truly upset me. Last year we got a subsidy because the BM students were needed to accompany other STCM students. This year we are on our own and my request for a subsidy has not been approved for almost 2 weeks now. I’m forgetting it. The Lord will know how to supply. And yes, I’m able to channel some blessing I received from a church in Ipoh to subsidize our activities.

In September there will be another visit to the OA villages in Simpang Pulai. This is a lay training seminar I am initiating with the local pastors. We are networking with several churches, including Anglican, Methodist, Lutheran, FGA (Penang). Also work in progress is our network with the SIB and AG churches in Peninsular Malaysia. Please continue to pray for this next big wave that will hit the Malaysian church…the rise and revival of the BM congregations.

The Good of the Old…

FACEBOOK, it looks like I am pretty addicted to this social networking website. It is exciting to rekindle old friendships. For a start, I am not a person who keeps in touch through writing snail mails. I mean, gosh…that is like, so uncool. And the wait for replies, my…my hair grow white la. But wahlah…this is the electronic age. Once we have a person’s email address or hand phone number, we can send a message within seconds. Now this, me likey. Why…it’s because I am a super impatient person. Everything must move at the speed of light. And the LORD is teaching me difficult lessons on how I need to grow patience; after all, it is a fruit of the Spirit.

After more than twenty years, I met up with two former classmates. I must admit that I was a bit envious of them who have been in touch with old friends all these while. And they can keep track of who married who, what they are doing now, and which part of the world they are residing now. As they mentioned names, I can only stare at them blankly. I cannot recall more than half of them. Out of the familiar names, another half of them I have no mental picture of how they look like at all. It was great fun, taking that trip down memory lane but I came home pretty upset with myself. How come I cannot remember my classmates? How come my friends can recall how I use to kacau them but I have no recollection of that at all? I mean, this friend can even recall where I sat in class in primary school, my goodness…But the most saddening part for me is not remembering the list of names of my classmates. How pathetic I am…So, I tried to analyze myself. Why, and I kept asking myself, why can’t I remember my classmates? How come I am not in touch with anyone at all?

Well, I have my answer. I never looked back. Or rather, I failed to look back. I just kept going forward and continue moving forward without taking any effort to look back. At every stage, I met friends and when I move on, I made new friends, forgetting the old. That was me. Molded and conditioned by the world to be independent, the mark of a modern, urban individual – the self-made person. Pathetic, isn’t it? But praise God, I have a second chance through FACEBOOK to nourish my garden of friendships that had gone unattended for twenty over years. And why the Lord is offering me this opportunity? Because ministry is about people and people means relationship.

And I return to my favorite theory again…the significant 4-0 number. Hey, it is significant isn’t it? I mean it is the number of years the Israelites wandered in the wilderness. So, okay I have completed my 40 years of wandering in my spiritual wilderness. I am stepping into the Promised Land, tasting the goodness from the flow of milk and honey. Er hmm…not too good diet for middle age folks like me. Oops…well, age is relative, age is only numbers. But my body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit. The milk should be low fat and the honey not too sweet.

Okay, okay…I am just taking a break from the day long attempt at preparing my research proposal. It is funny that when you take a break from active study, it is so slow to build back the momentum.

Ministry Update 3: July 2009

NU 23:19 God is not a man, that he should lie,
nor a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?

So here’s another update from me to share with all of you the important decision I have made. It has not been easy and I thank many of you who wrote encouraging emails to help me through the hard times. I am sure no one in his or her right Christian mind will turn away from an exciting move of God that is approaching and you will surely act on it and take the risks that come along with it. That is what has landed me in these two months of frustration, depression, and misery. Sounds so miserably, right? It was depressing all right and I think I sort of spread the misery through my updates to some of you. Well, I’m just sharing from the heart and we all know that the Christian life is an upstream struggling. Besides, God never promised us blue skies and everything nice.

I thank God for FACEBOOK. Yes, it’s great because I re-discovered lost friendships. Some of whom I have not met for more than twenty years. And recently I met two of them. It is funny that while we are in Penang all these while, we never bump into each other. Penang is really NOT THAT SMALL, after all. So I had dinner with two old friends at US Pizza and none could believe I am in ministry. Who would? God often pick the most unlikely candidate. And as I shared of what I am doing, one of them exclaimed that it surely has to be God’s calling for me to be doing what I am doing in the interior. This is actually a second confirmation and it came from an unbeliever. OK, so she is not quite an unbeliever but she’s a catholic who can hardly pray. How I arrived at my decision was at a point where I was too angry to continue on in an indecisive situation and I sort of lost my temper at God in prayer. Then He brought a college kid to knock some sense into me. Four degrees, three of them seminary masters and God brought an eager college kid to speak to me. I am humbled. Thanks brother, I know you are reading this right now. It is that phrase you mentioned that sometimes we need to shut one opportunity to ensure there is only one way. Well, we always want a plan B to fall back on just in case plan A doesn’t work out well. But that is not how it works in ministry. And the next morning as I was reading Numbers, the verses above literally jumped out at me. So, here I stand, fearfully venturing into a huge uncertainty with only God as my security. But that is enough.

The past two months were a real struggle. When you know you just must seize the opportunity to move along with God in an exciting work He is doing in this nation, He can stir things up in us that can be so unexpected. I do not enjoy sharing negatively and I know you do not enjoy reading them. But the truth is, we are fallen beings with all our ways prone to evil. I am still upset and disappointed at the parties that attempted to hinder the growth of the BM work and even those who are blind to see the approaching move of God. In fact, I feel sorry for them. One thing I do know is that nothing escapes the eyes of our watchful God. He will judge and reward accordingly. My plans now are to focus fully and begin sourcing for funds to grow the BM work. If the school cannot quite accept me and the BM work into its structure, I know I have a big God who cares enough for His church in Malaysia who needs to grow. The duty to care for the Malaysian church rests upon the shoulders of Malaysian Christians. And through the years, the Lord has prepared me for such a time as now to be strategically in a ministry that is already gaining momentum to be the next big wave to hit the Malaysian church. If you share this excitement in your heart, I invite you to join me in this ministry. I invite you to come alongside me to minister to the indigenous community in Malaysia. As Christians, we should lift a weaker brother as we run the race of life. And truly the Lord has blessed us with so much and shouldn’t we extend a helping hand so that our brother or sister in the interior can come beside us?

Please remember me in your prayers. I have not paid enough attention to my studies recently due to this dilemma. I am working on my research proposal and discussion questions. My motivation is the indigenous community. I know I can only lead them to where I am, therefore, this motivates me to push myself further. Our indigenous siblings deserve as much as we do, a good education and opportunity. I have availed myself to the Lord to make me His vessel to raise their livelihood, spiritually and materially. I know I may not be able to convince you to do the same but I hope you will at least partner me in this effort.

Thank you for your partnership in ministry.

Ministry Update 2: July 2009

I sound so fickle-minded. One minute this, one minute that. But the truth is, I am still undecided. Yes, I certainly want to remain in the BM ministry. This is a ministry that is gaining momentum right now in Peninsular Malaysia. I was in Johor and the Anglican church is looking for additional workers, not one but two. I was in Malacca and seven pastors came to the meeting wanting to know more about how they can study further to improve their ministry. After the meeting, they even asked me to send an email about the BM program so they can pass it to their friends who were not present. Last week, I received a call from Taiping, needing assistance in their BM ministry. Yes, I certainly want to continue in this ministry, but…there’s always the but. I really do not know how things in campus can be ironed out. Even the top management agreed that politics come into play and unfairness is present. So, I am asking myself…if I want to continue in the BM ministry, which platform shall I continue to serve? MBTS? But can I accept the bluntly acknowledged politicking in a Christian organization? I will constantly feel frustrated. I just prayed…truly the BM work is growing rapidly but do I have the privilege to continue in this work? Or maybe the Lord is taking me to another area of missions? The line is simply full time or part time involvement. Let’s face it, in any effort, we always need a full time person to fully develop the work. But if the effort is deemed as unimportant, there will not be a need for full time involvement. It all depends on the ministry players. And I know I can still be involved in missions, whether home or foreign, whether market place or otherwise. I sound like I am justifying a decision. But am I wrong? Wouldn’t it hurt more when unchristianness comes from Christians themselves? I have even concluded that there is no difference between the secular sector and the so-called Christian vocation. Both contain fallen human beings, stained with sin. So, what have I decided? Your guess is as good as mine…

Ministry Update: July 2009

Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below,
Praise Him above ye heavenly host,
Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. AMEN.

The Doxology is sung by traditional churches towards the end of the worship service and is a good reminder to us all that indeed it is from God that all blessings flow. I am back from the mission trip to Johore and Malacca. When I arrived in JB, it started to rain. Apparently, it was hot and dry for a long while and I brought the rain. Actually, I did not realize that Penang rained too but it stopped when I returned to Penang .


I dropped by Singapore briefly to meet my thesis supervisor and returned to JB not feeling well. I was pretty afraid I might have caught the H1N1 virus while in Singapore . But praise God, the good Lord restored my health. The team had a lot of fun in Johor Bahru and in Kluang. It was the first time the Anglican churches there received a mission team. We ministered to the Sabah and Sarawak indigenous people there. Some were there because they are working in the army while the rest were there because Singapore offers better employment options. I preached at St Christopher’s Church on the first Sunday and at Kulai Anglican Mission Center the second Sunday. The team was in Johor Bahru till Monday when we traveled to Kluang and spent 2 days there. We slept everywhere in the church building and I took the “privileged” spot of sleeping before the altar (of sacrifice). We proceeded to Malacca on Wednesday morning. There was some miscommunication with our contact there and the hiccup messed up the trip quite a bit. However, we were still able to find time to visit the historic Christ Church , St. Paul ’s Hill, A Farmosa, although I did not have the opportunity to savor the famed satay celup! I returned to JB on Saturday afternoon while the team stayed on till Sunday. I had to leave the team early because Firefly changed its flight schedule 3 hours earlier. Not wanting to miss a worship service, I traveled back to JB and preached at the daughter church of St. Chris in Kulai. The rest of team were split into two back in Malacca, with one team ministering in Straits Baptist Church and the other at the SIB church.


I came back to the office on Monday morning to find a long list of emails that need to be attended to. And guess what? I was so surprised, happy, blessed to read of one email from a church in Ipoh asking me for my full name and mailing address because they want to bless me with RM3000 to pay partially for my school fees or to get a new laptop. WOW! It was so unexpected. It was a casual discussion with some students back in Ipoh after class when we were discussing how pathetic pastors are paid. I never expect anyone to pursue any further on that discussion. But apparently some students did and I am blessed. I planned to pay partially for my school fees, which is still pending unpaid since my official admittance into the PhD program in January. And I think I can also spare some to get a netbook.


Thus, the opening doxology…Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow. I was standing at a cross road, undecided between two directions. At one hand is an offer from an NGO offering me a senior position and a good pay. On the other hand is my present ministry, where I am being paid peanuts and almost in a “cold storage” but impacting a growing work. But the first few days in JB had helped me decide. It will be extremely foolish of me to leave a growing ministry where I am strategically placed to churn workers and equip workers for effective ministry in the BM work. I realized that I will be extremely selfish if I opt for the NGO offer. Sure it pays more and I will get the “glamour” of my own office and proper recognition as I see myself as the second in command in its organization chart. But the problem with this picture is simply that it is not home missions and I am too in love with the indigenous people and too passionate in this ministry. So, I have decided to reject an offer that the former me would have eagerly grab. The present me would rather pursue an adventurous and exciting journey with a loving, caring God.


I was going through a difficult time. Torn between the person I was and the person I am. In fact, I was practical forced to confront what I really want in life. Am I still the ambitious, career-minded person or have I truly surrendered all to God as I pledged when I entered the so-called full-time Christian vocation? It was a depressing time having come face-to-face with who I really am today. I asked myself searching questions and it was indeed a tough decision. Buckets of tears were shed…no, I am just exaggerating. But to realize that the Lord had prepared me to be strategically placed in the BM work that is fast growing in such a time as now, it’s simply too awesome. And I know I can never forgive myself if I took an option that is self-centered and selfish.


Please pray for me. Please pray that every hindrance to the progress of the BM work will be removed and for fruitful opportunities to bring an impact and to make a difference to the vast and fast expanding BM work in this nation. Also, do remember me in prayer for the ministry appointments such as…TARC CF on 21 July, preaching at BJAC on 25 July, weekend mission trip to OA villages in Simpang Pulai on 1-2 Aug, class with the FGAC BM pastors on 5 Aug, class in MBTS 10-14 Aug on prophetic ministry in contemporary church, another visit to OA villages 22-23 Aug. There will be three preaching engagements in September, a one-week class in October, one preaching engagement in November and a speaking engagement for a youth camp in December with a pending mission trip planned for early December.


Once again, I thank you for your partnership in ministry.

Ministry Update II: June 2009

Dear partners in ministry,

I echo the statement of Dr Martin Luther, as he stood before the Diet of Worms…Here I stand, I can do no other. So, help me God…

I stand at a cross road today, undecided. It is a simple yes or no. Yet, each carries a series of serious consequences. Please pray for me, for wisdom and for discernment.

June is concluding and July starts with another session with the FGA BM pastors. The following day I will travel to JB. On Friday morning I will meet my thesis supervisor in Singapore. I will meet most of my team when they arrive on Friday night in JB. We will be in JB, ministering to the OA community, consisting of mostly East Malaysians who work in Singapore but staying in JB. Our host church is the Anglican church. We will stay here till Wednesday. Then we travel to Malacca where we will minister to another OA community. This is the Peninsular OA people group. Our host will be the Baptist and SIB churches. Two additional team members will join us here in Malacca. Our departure is also fragmented, as I may be traveling back to JB a day earlier than the rest. I am blaming Firefly for this. They changed their JB-PEN schedule a whole four hours earlier. Four team members will return to JB to catch the JB-PEN flight while two others who join us only in Malacca will travel Malacca-KL LCCT- PEN. Pretty confusing series of movements actually. Do remember us in prayer. Thank you.

Will update with the trip report upon my return on 12th July.

SB

Ministry Update: June 2009

Ah, the month of June. This marks the entry to the first half of the year. How quick time flies. The seconds and minutes, then, the hours and the days. Needless to repeat that I was so blessed by the month long trip in the interior. It was a reverse culture shock for me to adapt back to city life…no it was nothing drastic, just my play of words to exaggerate. But I returned with a stronger passion for the ministry and I suddenly realized that as long as I am in my present capacity, there is just so much I can do. However, the work has so much more potential. It is frustrating for an eagle to be given the wings of a house fly. Please pray for me, the ministry, and mostly the ability to discern God in His marvelous work around us here in Malaysia.

Middle of the month, I have a class in Ipoh. This may be an extension point where the students may not need to come all the way up north to the main campus. Then early July is the mission trip to Johore and Malacca. I will briefly drop by Singapore to meet my thesis supervisor and hope to kick start my research proper. I received an invitation to initiate BM classes for master level students in Malacca. Yes, on one hand I am excited at the prospect. On the other hand…well, I am still asking myself whether it will be worth it to continue on in my present capacity that limits a ministry of vast potential because the leaders subscribe to its conservative policies.

Ministry Update: May 2009

The Sunday after I returned from Sabah, I read an article on Teachers’ Day in the Sunday Star. Yes, the teaching profession…a profession I disliked but was led into it. After all, if you have students who send inspiring sms to you, wouldn’t you be encouraged? I am… despite my short-comings, their appreciation towards this ill-equipped teacher made every teaching effort worthwhile.

I was very looking forward to the one-month stink in the interior. I was getting pretty fed-up with the complexities at work. Yea, I know. We have that everywhere we go, in every office, of every industry. Ministry is no exception. The Friday, before I left campus, it was Teachers’ Day. That was 24Apr. Yea, you may be wondering why Teachers’ Day was celebrated then. Me, too. However, I was pretty uncomfortable with that tradition. To me, ministers minister for the Lord, not to gain recognition and honor before men. I find that some colleagues are getting addicted to such recognition. Teachers’ Day become an occasion to look forward to in order to be recognized and honored. This is so “unministry.” So, I was very and extremely glad to get away from such scenario to the simplicity that the jungles can offer.

Despite the schedule change for the AirAsia flight to Tawau from KL LCCT, a half hour earlier than originally scheduled, I was glad I was able to comfortably hop onto it. It was at McD that I was held up. That place is so super popular; the staff was not exactly super efficient though. When I finally landed in Tawau, it was approximately half past five in the evening and the day was turning dark in this side of Malaysia. The first meal served here was biawak or monitor lizard. It tasted great. In fact, after dinner I dropped by the students’ quarters and found a few of them slaughtering another lizard. One of them scooped out the heart which was still pumping, oozing out black, dark red streams of blood.

I had a meeting with the local leaders the next day, mainly discussing the partnership of the local Bible Training Center and MBTS. A lot was discussed and it filled my thoughts the following few days. There are so many things to attend to, to grow this ministry of vast potential and the eagerness of the local leaders further fuel my enthusiasm.

The week of class went smoothly. Two students left but two additions maintained the status quo. I think the privilege I discovered then was that one of the new additions was our cousin and now he is here and I had the privilege to teach him Christian missions! Wow, right?! We study Introduction to Christian Missions in the morning and study English in the afternoon. But we were not able to start our English class the first week because the books were not yet ready. So, our first English class was held in the Star Cineplex, watching Wolverine. Much to my disappointment, the students read the Malay sub-titles to understand the story! It was also quite a surprise for me actually, when I discovered that to a few of the students, that was their very first time visiting a cinema. And mind you, watching a movie in a small town like Tawau was not cheap, it cost RM9 per entry!

There was a slight change to my weekend schedule. The original plan was for me to visit Serudung Baru but the new schedule had me visiting Kalabakan the first weekend. I have to describe the visit more vividly here. See, on Saturday morning I was sent to town, to Tawau Baptist Church, where Ps Madia greeted me and brought me around town awhile. At about noon, we started our two hour drive to Kampong Rancangan Kalabakan. We stopped by a restaurant in Merotai which was famous for its soup, like sup tulang, sup ayam, sup lembu, etc. We sat next to a family of cousins. When our food arrived, we gave thanks and started eating. Apparently, the family of cousins was pretty uncomfortable with us praying before our meal. When their food arrived, they sang their prayer loudly and it was quite awhile too before they were satisfied enough to start eating their food!

We arrived at the kampong and it was almost 3pm. The day was hot, really hot but the kampong houses are built on stilts. There are hammocks under the houses where villagers lie in the shade to rest in the cool of the day. Ps Evelyn was relaxing on one such hammock when we arrived. I was brought to visit the village briefly. There was really nothing much to see. There’s the super famous Sungai Kalabakan where huge prawns are caught daily and sold. And it was super dirty, filled with mud and was teh- tarik in color. I was all ready to rough it out in the village. But to my surprise, I was put up in a rest house. See, there is a FELDA scheme next to Kalabakan. There is no piped water in the village, electricity comes from generators. Only now, electricity poles are erected to connect power to the village. However, the FELDA scheme has all the privilege of piped water and electricity. One of Ps Madia’s sisters works as a supervisor in the rest house in FELDA. And it was suggested that I spend the night there instead of in the kampong. Wah, I felt so undeserving…especially when I found out that they planned to put me in the suite in the rest house. Fortunately, the reservation made was a bit late and the suite was taken up by another guest and I ended up in a deluxe room. Despite that it was very comfortable. For the first time in seven days I felt clean after a good shower. There was air-con, hot water shower, television, and two comfortable spring mattresses in the room. I slept so soundly that night! Meals were at the restaurant in the rest house, which was the only decent restaurant around. And yes, you guessed it – Kalabakan prawns for dinner, Kalabakan prawns for breakfast, Kalabakan prawns for lunch. Well, that was originally planned until I “intervened” and changed the menu for breakfast.

Service at Kalabakan Baptist Church was at 9am but the kampong flexibility saw the service began at 9.30am. With my usual short message, the service ended before 11am and everyone was surprised that it was still so early. Ps Evelyn had expected me to preach for 2 hours! No, that was a joke.

The second week began smoothly too. The English books arrived and we also started our English classes. Only to discover that half the students cannot follow the syllabus. Thus, we have to put the books aside and start from the very beginning of building vocabularies and forming sentences.

There is still the kelawar (bat) that’s not cooked yet. But it is already almost three months old in the freezer. Some say, throw it away. Others say, there’s no expiry date. Regardless, the students are on a look out for exotic meats. On our list are items like tupai (squirrel), ular sawa (python), etc They also mentioned porcupine, ant-eater, etc. Thus far, I have also tasted eagle meat. I think the saying is true that everything taste like chicken. I mean, after tasting monitor lizard and eagle, both tasted just like chicken?!

Anyway, the second weekend I went to two nearby villages. Ps Anthony came to Kiulu Baru as early as 7am to drive me to an Iban village called Kampong Kuala Nansang. The service starts at 8am. We arrived early and spent sometime at the (church) chairman’s house. I had another round of breakfast here. At 8am, we proceeded to the church. This is a small church that was an outreach of Serudung Baru Baptist Church. Service ended at about 9.45am. After a short exchange of greetings, we proceeded to Serudung Baru. Here, there are a lot of youth. Worship is led by the youth, complete with a team of four tambourine dancers. I met a very interesting character here, a 74-year old Burmese man who came to Sabah in 1956. He usually worships at the English church of Tawau Baptist Church but on this particular Sunday, decided to drop by the village. After the service, I had lunch at the pastor’s home located behind the church. We were later joined by the Burmese man together with his local friend. Mr. Winter, had loads of story to tell us, the younger folks. And it was indeed a blessing to hear stories of early church planting against the back drop of Malaysia-Indonesia Confrontation era.

My next preaching engagement was at the Combined Mothers Day celebration. I was given little information regarding this meeting. Slowly, I discovered that it is going to be a huge affair. In fact, it is planned as a gathering of women folk in all of Sabah (Baptist) churches in conjunction with Mothers’ Day. I was shocked to hear that. I was not expecting it to be such a big affair. But then, it is probably scaled down to nearby churches. It’s not too practical to travel far just to attend a one-morning gathering. So, I can console myself that it probably attract just nearby churches, maybe three or four village churches will come together.

However, at a home fellowship just a few short days from the planned celebration, I discovered that there will be delegates from afar traveling all the way to Kiulu Baru for the event. Suddenly, I sort-of, panicked. I mean, I do not consider myself a good speaker and here it is, a huge affair involving a huge participation and the little unknown me, invited to address the crowd! This is really a huge honor I do not deserve.

The interesting part of the culture here in the interior is that while the church service was scheduled for 10am. Most arrived as early as before 9am. Even though they stay just a stone’s throw away. Yes, that included me…because I followed some students and my hosts here. So, we were at the church for more than an hour with nothing to do except staring at each other and counting flies. Slowly, guests arrived from near and far. Some traveled for less than half an hour to arrive at Kiulu Baru while others took a journey of between two to three hours to arrive. There were representatives from women fellowship of various kampong churches. I think about six or seven churches were represented. It was a simple celebration with worship, message, presentations from various delegates, a sketch from the youth, concluded by the presentation by members of the women fellowship of the host church.

I was pretty nervous about delivering the message. Especially after discovering that it was going to be a huge affair. Well, it went ok except the end. I was pretty upset with myself for a while over how it ended. I wanted to close the message with a response song and have asked the worship leader and musician whether they knew a song I suggested. Both said they knew the song. However, at the closing the worship leader suddenly went clamoring for the transparency and could not find the song to lead the congregation. Later I discovered that this hiccup was due to the cultural differences between me and the local worship team. From where I come from, I would invite the worship team to return to the stage and to lead the response song. However, I discovered that the culture here is that when the preacher asks for a response song, the preacher is expected to lead the song!

I have an unscheduled preaching engagement the following Sunday. My host, the pastor of Apas Balung Baptist Church asked me to preach and I obliged. Well, I get to recycle my message, again. That has got to be a message most used. A whole four times!

There was a Tuesday where we had a prayer meeting in the nearby church. It was quite an experience. The past few days were dry and the water tanks were losing water fast. Everyone was praying and hoping for rain. Although the previous two nights rained, it was not as heavy as the rain that poured that Tuesday night. It was like in the movies. A jeep-load of us…8 of us packed into an old jeep traveling through terrain similar to the Camel Adventure gear. The rain was pouring heavily; the lightning gave an eerie fear while the thunders roar a deafening scare. All gathered in the hall of a quiet village church, all 13 of us, when suddenly the electricity supply was cut. Well, power cuts are a norm here, but on this particular evening, it added some flavor into the meeting. We were praying in the dark…in pitch darkness. The meeting leader read from the dim rays of a torch light. It was really quite an experience…praying in the dark, against the deafening roaring thunders with lightning of terror all around outside the church walls. Wow! Sounds like some movie scene, eh?

The final week was relaxing. We completed the syllabus by the end of week three and the whole week four was spent on revision. The students sat for the final test, worked on their project papers, and even requested an English test. Some fared well while others did not. However, on Friday, we carried the classroom to Tawau town and had another round of movies. Night at the Museum 2 was not a comedy I would recommend. We went to town early as someone told us that in Tawau, there is a morning show; only to arrive at the Cineplex to find it locked. We spent about an hour playing at the nearby arcade before the Cineplex was opened. Only to discover that the earliest show was at 12.00 noon. But we already had a lunch appointment at 12.30pm, so we went window shopping, walked a lot, and went to lunch before catching the 2.30pm show. Well, this time two of the students had to return to their home village for ministry. We were treated to a fanciful lunch by a friend and we return to the village with food stuff for barbecue. There were very decent servings on the table, except the squirrel meat. When I saw it before it was cooked, it looked just like a hairier rat. Well, it tasted like…chicken. A lot of bones with little meat.

The days progress swiftly. Suddenly the slow hours had accumulated to days and weeks. Soon it was my final week here in the interior. I sent sms to close friends and relatives…to update them that I am still surviving in the tamed wild here in Sabah. I feel too at home here to actually miss Penang. While I enjoy ministry, the circumstances made me ready to leave MBTS. Local potentials must be realized. After all, each Christian must help the other to grow in the fullness of Christ. But I do know that my strict adherence may sound radical to those who champion convention. And such clash of opinion often made me appear rebellious. But hey, wasn’t Jesus a “rebel” in His days? I’m just being like my Master.

Anyway, rumblings aside…I thank all of you for your partnership in ministry. Knowing that you are with me made the journey more worthwhile. Once again, thanks for the prayers and partnership.

Ministry Update II: April 2009

Dear Ministry Partners,

Greetings again from me along with Update II for April 2009. This is because of my travel plans this Sunday and the lack of internet access in the weeks ahead, thus, you will only receive an update from me late next month. Please remember me in prayer as prayer is both powerful and prerequisite for effective ministry.

I will travel to Tawau this Sunday and scheduled to teach Introduction to Christian Missions at Pusat Latihan AlKitab Baptis in Kiulu Baru. As I will be spending 4 weeks there, our ministry partner in Tawau had arranged for me to visit various villages for the 3 weekends I have there. So, the first weekend, I will visit Serudung and on Sunday will preach at Serudung Baptist Church. The following weekend, will visit Kalabakan and on Sunday I will preach at Kalabakan Baptist Church. FYI to GBCians, Kalabakan is Fendy’s hometown and I will probably have the opportunity to visit his family and deliver some greetings. It is also a place super famous for super large prawns from Sungai Kalabakan. The third weekend I will stay put in Kiulu Baru as I will be preaching at the Mother’s Day Celebration at Kiulu Baru Baptist Church. These engagements are for preaching in BM.

Please pray for:
Me and the travel plans. Also pray for good, strong health as I can expect to savor local exotic delicacies
The students and congregants in the various villages
My aging mother, home alone

Once again, thank you for your partnership in ministry. Will return Penang on Saturday 23May.

SB

Ministry Update April 2009

The last few weeks was so slow that I was super relaxed to the point of falling sick. Literally. I am a very work-oriented person and even the slow days that would last for something like seven or eight weeks was unbearable. Sure it gave me the time needed to prepare class lessons, and it is not that I totally have nothing to do but I do not need three days to prepare a two-hour class. And I did manage to draft three complete course lessons within four or five weeks. So, I was so relaxed to the point of feeling sick. I did fell into some spiritual depression of sorts. One thing after another came just when I was about to get out of it. There were issues of both internal and external proportions. I know the Lord allows things to happen the way it did for a reason and I always learnt my lessons the hard way. Perhaps, it is because I am such a difficult student.

A good friend confided in me that her marriage had fallen apart. I was so, completely, and utterly devastated. I know this couple, faithful serving Christians. And because of that, I am finding it extremely difficult to accept how far the husband has strayed from his faith and how deep in sin he has fallen. I realized that if I feel so much hurt, the wife must be feeling even worse. It is no fun feeling miserable. I complained to the Lord. I cried out to Him to take me out of this misery but nothing miraculous happened. The next morning, the issue was still swirling in my mind until a still small voice spoke to me saying, NOW you know what it really means to love the sinner, to hate the sin.

Another issue I have to confront is an extremely insecure colleague. Thus far since his arrival middle of last year, he did nothing more than throwing his tantrums like a spoiled brat when things are not the way he expected. But the latest outburst was pretty controlled. Anyway, he began being polite after discovering I am a PhD student. But I really do not know how long I can hold on with such a person in the ministry team. He seemed to conveniently blame me for the things he failed to do. When other ministry players appear to treat him coldly, as he claimed, I am blamed as part of the attempt to force him out of office. I discussed teaching approaches with a colleague and it became decisions made without his knowledge. I really have no idea why he is so insecure, so suspicious, and so paranoid.

I really love ministering with the indigenous community. It is the feeling like, hey…this is what I have been looking for. By the way, my dissertation topic is along this line. But the truth is, with the situation around, I am very ready to leave MBTS. I do not know if the Lord will take me to the field or to another aspect of ministry. But I am feeling very drawn to home missions. I enjoy teaching and preaching. I enjoy rural simplicity that minus the urban complexity which has much entered into the church community. I am finding it extremely repulsive because complex policy and politics only serve to divide rather than unite the church.

April starts with another exciting class with the BM congregation pastors in FGAC, the second installment of the monthly schedule. There is a preaching engagement at a Lutheran church on Easter Sunday. Then at the third week is another Cultural Anthropology class with the BM students who are mainly from the Ipoh and Gopeng interior. The following weekend I will hop on the plane to Tawau for four weeks. And no, I will not be swinging from tree to tree. I will be teaching Introduction to Christian Missions at Pusat Latihan AlKitab Baptis in Kiulu Baru. PLAB is our partner and we are initiating a sort of twinning program. The three weekends I have in Tawau will give me the opportunity to visit a few kampongs. Thus far, what has been planned is a weekend in Kalabakan and a weekend to stay put in Kiulu Baru. I was asked by my friend and student to preach at the combined mothers day celebration. I do not know how they will be celebrating it and I also wonder why of all persons, I was invited to preach at the occasion. I am not a mother, never worked with the women ministry or even with children. With the exception of VBS where I took every opportunity to relive lost childhood.

It will be end of May when I return to civilization. No, Tawau is not that rural lah…Anyway, there is a planned class in Ipoh in June which is yet to be confirmed, both its venue and dates. But this class in Ipoh will afford me some time to meet some friends in Ipoh and savor its cuisines. I must compare if there is any other city in Malaysia that can offer food as good as those found in Penang. The trip should also provide me with some fresh illustrations for my sermon at the end of June in BJAC. I am participating in a mission trip to Johore in early July, at the invitation of an alumni. But I will travel a day earlier than the team so I can drop by Singapore to meet my thesis supervisor who is based there.

The rest of July is to prepare for the BM module of STCM in August. I have a class to teach on the second week but still do not know what to teach yet. Yes, I am usually more organized than this but this is an elective for those who had already taken the core subject that will be offered on that week. So, my name will not appear on the official STCM brochure now being circulated around the churches. September is another slow month with one preaching engagement and one weekend trip to Simpang Pulai. October is also pretty slow with a one-week class. Thus far, November seems pretty slow too with one preaching engagement and December one speaking engagement at a youth camp.

I really need more and new challenges. I am already so familiar with most of the things I am doing, it is becoming a boring routine. Perhaps some of you reading this may be thinking…ha, she should be attending prayer meetings and cell group meetings, and what nots. You know what? You are right. And this is something I am struggling. I discovered something sinister recently while casually chatting with a colleague. I found that there is an unexplained reluctance to participate in church activities, especially prayer meetings. I thought the problem was just me being lazy. But as I was chatting with this colleague, she also realized that there is an unexplained reluctance preventing her from engaging in church activities in her church. Somehow, there is a draw towards seminary activities and busyness that seem to pull us back from engaging in church ministries. Then we began to observe our other colleagues…most, or nearly all, are not regularly attending prayer meetings in church. Worst, most are not engaging in church activities apart from doing it as part of their job description. Then a few older colleagues started to share of encounters of a spiritual kind at various locations in campus. Wah…this is getting exciting, right? Then stay tuned for the coming soon and next change…

Ministry Update 2: March 2009

I am tired, very tired. I often question if my sacrifice and effort is worth it to pursue an ideal that half the Christian population cannot comply. I question how we can compromise on the quality and services to our own fellow believers, which ultimately is our worship to our God. I ask why we resort to bending rules and regulations, simply to comply with our own whims and fancies. In the first place, why have rules if it’s not meant to be followed? Why do we always use “case by case basis” as an excuse to bend rules? I mean, I understand that we cannot be too rigid or too legalistic. I understand the need to be flexible, flexible, and flexible. But I do not understand why we often try to find an excuse to compromise our faith and beliefs. I find it easier to accept opposition from non-Christians than from Christians, especially Christian “leaders.” I sound pretty much like a rebel and so anti-establishment. But no one will rebel if there is no reason to rebel. Just the same as there will be no smoke if there is no fire. People say it’s unhealthy to compare. But if there is fairness, no one will bother to compare.

As members of the fallen human race, I know all of us have our own faults and shortcomings. But if we confess to be Christians, then why can’t we strive to exhibit Christian values in our lifestyle? If we are no different than our friend or colleague who is not a Christian, that will mean Christ died for nothing and the Bible is but a fairy tale book.

Jesus teaches that,

^{MT 7:1} "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. ² For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

But he also teaches that,

^MT7:16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? ¹⁷ Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸ A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹ Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰ Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

I think I need a break. A break from the complexities and politics of the urban church (or Christian organization). I have had enough of so called Christian ministers clamoring for titles and positions, not to mention wanting to be served and to be popular. All these to the extent of compromising their given task, which is, as I mentioned earlier, is our form of worship to our God. I really look forward to entering the jungle again, back to the basic necessities and back to the simplicity of the Christian faith.

I just asked the Lord. I long to serve You. Just and simply serve You, which is my heart’s desire. To be solely and wholly devoted to You. Simply to serve as Your servant and to fulfill my calling as a humble servant. But I am feeling very frustrated and very bound up. There are all these complexities here and there and everywhere around me. Complexities created by men as means to boost their own ego and in its process profane the sanctity of the Christian ministry. And I long to know whether the Lord is grieved, what can be done to confront this issue? But I know God is merciful and loving. I’m yet to come near to be like Him. The day will truly and surely come when each of us will be judged. And I long to receive a word of praise from my God, not a rebuke. So, despite the struggle, I have resolved to keep the good fight of faith. Because my God is a great God.

Like how I had started, I am recalling my feeling of tiredness. I am tired, very tired to be striving in what appears to be a lone struggle. If the opposition is outside the church walls, this is understandable. But how do you reconcile when the “opposition” is within the church walls? When men and women who have served the church (or Christian organization) for so long and we should be regarding them as our mentors and teachers, yet it is them that contradict Biblical values?

Ministry Update: March 2009

Urbanization…such a big word. A phenomenon that is infecting the whole world. A phenomenon that attracts, entices, and persuades. Rural folks flock into the cities for various reasons. People like the big cities for its modernity, sophistication, and amenities. But urbanization carries with it the evils of materialism and complexities of relations. People think we are “advance” if we are modern, indulging in all the complexities that kill our innocence.

Wah…this is really technical. I wonder why I started this piece in such a manner. Just to prove my point, actually. We often get carried away in wanting to impress the person next to us, an attribute of the fallen nature. And sadly, we unconsciously (or maybe consciously) import such mindset into the Christian circle. Recently, I attended a pastor installation service. The candidate is a good friend that I’ve known for several years. Although I do not know him very well, but well enough to know that this is a man after God’s heart. His “track record” of ministry proves it. I’m glad and I rejoice together with the church for this brother.

It was at the dinner after the service that I picked up a pretty disturbing viewpoint from among certain church leaders. Okay, I’m used to being observant, having being trained as a sociologist who engages in participation observation. My ears and my eyes are trained to pick up “social patterns” and it’s really like a second nature to me. I observed and I am saddened as I hear how church leaders talk about the so-called full time Christian vocation. We encourage people to enter into full-time work and yet, we seem to categorize each commitment according to their prior secular involvement. You see, the Christian leader that was going on and on about this issue was expressing how he admires people who leave their “professional occupation” to enter into “full-time” ministry. Is it only admirable for people who have “social standing” to enter “full-time” ministry? I have nothing against anyone entering the full-time Christian vocation, regardless of their background. But it seems that the Christian population sympathizes or looks down on the full-time work. It is a big sacrifice to enter into full-time ministry for those who have been earning big bucks in the secular sector. But it doesn’t matter for those who have been earning peanuts. After all, there’s no difference in the salary they command. I mean, if Christians themselves think that the full-time Christian vocation is meant for those “misfits of society,” how do we expect the non-Christians to think any better of us? It looks like even Christians themselves consider the full-time vocation as an avenue “to save” the unwanted of the secular sector. Hey, when considering my “salary” it has always been my “secular” degree that makes the deciding figure. Even Christians themselves are not recognizing their own formal training. Okay, okay…it’s not the papers that matter. That I acknowledge…it is the journey along the way that makes the difference. Granted! But hey, if the Christian community herself thinks lowly of her dedicated members and efforts, how on earth are we ever to be “salt and light” in making a difference to society around us? We are no different than the person outside the church. In other words, we only fantasize about being a salty salt when we actually have lost the saltiness.

Perhaps we lack credible leaders, spiritually discerning leaders. We often assume that a person in a “high position” in a secular job is a good candidate to lead church affairs, without even considering the spiritual health of that individual. Can we actually accept a church leader who is a young Christian, spending umpteen years steep in another faith but just converted, say less than 5 years?...and because this person was a “professional” it is impressive enough to grant a leadership position? Wow! Personally, no. But I know it is an obvious, resounding “yes” by some quarters. I stick to my belief that decisions not carefully made today may not cause harm today itself but it will certainly cause damage tomorrow or the day after. And sometimes, the damage may be just too severe to undo, to the individual, the person being ministered, and to the Christian community as a whole.

Wah…pretty deep eh? My point is, we need to restore the “dignity” of the Church. There was a time in history when church leaders are respected individuals of society, that the pastor is the most learned person in the village. And all that was lost in the process of secularization, when money and prestige became the measurement of one’s honor. The advent of urbanization further emphasizes this factor and we slip further down the spiral of materialism. And with that deteriorated church-related vocation in the eyes of community, both Christian and non-Christian.

Honestly, I’m not sure if it’s worth the effort to keep believing in an “ideal Christian community” where everyone’s focus is in allowing God to mold them, where everyone strive to be spirit-controlled, where everyone submits to each other and serves each other just the way the Bible prescribes it.

I also had a new experience recently. Based in the seminary, ministering to the academic audience has become a norm, but I had the privilege to minister to a professional crowd. I don’t know how I fared but I hope to learn along the way together with the rest. In fact, it was sort of a revision for me to dig up lessons and notes I left untouched upon leaving the pastoral ministry. And I believe that there is relevant, up-to-date ministry approach that I can learn from this group of BM pastors in FGAC.

The year has quickly entered into its third month. Affairs of the world and our nation continued to impact us. We have a national partner from BA (Lita’s team-mate) who married an American missionary and the couple is now back in the States. I was chatting with him online in Facebook today. He is looking for a job and his wife is pregnant. I don’t know how to help him, except to pray. Being Indonesian in the States will not offer a bright prospect under current circumstances. And his wife is pregnant…

I was practically glued to the PC the day the Perak state assembly created history. I confessed that I could not concentrate on work at all the whole morning as I closely followed live reporting. Like many others, I could not hold back the tears as the events unfold. Malaysia, o Malaysia…my country, my home. Not perfect but there is HOPE. Let us persevere to pray for a complete breakthrough in our land.

I hope the Christian community will seize the opportunity of the day to aggressively make a difference. The change must start from within the church if we are ever to be the change agent for our nation. The change must begin from each individual and I pray the change will begin from me. So help me God.

The year ahead is full of activities for me as I took note recently. There are teaching and preaching appointments in every month, right till the end in December. Looks like an exciting year ahead. Please pray for me as we partner in ministry to make a difference in this generation in this nation.

Malaysia O Malaysia…

It has grieved many Malaysians and without doubt, it must have grieved our Lord. The political landscape here had turned so ugly. Fabricated lies filled the media minute after minute. Truth has been distorted to cover those in authority. When I read the article by RPK yesterday, my eyes swelled with tears. He wrote what may appear to be his last article to fellow Malaysians as his case was being tried in court today. However, the hearing was postponed to next Monday. Perhaps he will prepare another last words to us.

The sensational news of partially nude pictures of Selangor’s state assemblywoman took prominence in the news. I do not know why Malaysian politics has fallen into such depths of unethical portrayal but since when is sleeping in the nude in the privacy of one’s own room become a sin? Clearly it is a desperate attempt of some quarters that has nothing else better to do but to stir confusion, attention, and cheap publicity for themselves.

However, Malaysia…this is my country and my home. She may not be perfect but she is still my country, still my home. Malaysia is still the heritage of God to His church in Malaysia. It is still the responsibility of the Malaysian church to initiate the rightful claim of God over this land. Our national anthem:

Negaraku, tanah tumpahnya darahku

Rakyat hidup, bersatu dan maju

Rahmat bahgia, Tuhan kurniakan

Raja kita, selamat bertakhta

Rahmat bahgia, Tuhan kurniakan

Raja kita, selamat bertakhta

Truly, the rightful King shall reign on His throne over Malaysia. Let the church declares this. Jesus is that rightful King to reign on the throne in Malaysia.

How are we ever to bring an impact to our nation? I think the only way is to look inward, to ourselves. I believe that the church should be influencing society. On the contrary, the society has been influencing the church. We allow this to happen when we use worldly standards to measure spiritual matters. We ended up with practices that are less than Christian, or worse, unchristian. If the Bible teaches equality, do we practice equality in church? If the Bible teaches fairness, servant leadership, humility, do we see these in the church? Instead, we often find Christians, leaders in particular, enjoying the limelight and join the crowd in clamoring for titles, for positions, for recognition. Perhaps I am being too critical. But shouldn’t Christian leaders themselves know the Bible well enough that if more is added, more is expected? The passage in the gospel of Matthew (22:1-14) tells a parable of how many were invited refuse to attend the banquet. The host sent his invitation to others and the banquet hall was full. However, some who were unprepared were thrown out. The very significant verse here is in verse 14: Matt 22 v 14

"For many are invited, but few are chosen."

The question to all of us is this…we, as Christians, are invited but how many wants to be chosen?

While we grieve over the sins of our nation, I question ourselves: are we without sin to cast the first stone? Instead, I think we should pray for renewal within us, first and foremost. If not, the enemy will hold something against us. Then, and only then, do we have the right to speak of righteousness, justice, fairness.

Why am I being so critical of Christian leaders? Simply because I have had just enough of church politics. And by church I mean all Christian organizations. I am tired of the unchristian manners practiced within organizations claim to exist in God’s name. That is using God’s name in vain. Often these unchristian approaches are Christianized through claims of spiritual discernment. But hey, if one’s live does not display godliness, that is just an excuse to exercise tyranny. (Matt 7 v 15)

"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. ¹⁶ By their fruit you will recognize them

Perhaps I am being too idealistic. After all, we are all fallen human beings living in a fallen world. But that is reason enough that all the more we as Christians must portray Christ likeness…so we can rightly be the witness, the testimony, the ambassador of the Light, the Love, the Grace.

I want to be the few who are chosen, not among the crowd who are invited. I want to keep my ideals although the price to pay is constant disappointments. But I believe it will be worth the effort and the sacrifice that I shall remain unshaken despite the circumstances. My constant prayer is that the Lord will grant me a spirit like that of His servant Habakkuk (Hab. 3:17-19) who can still rejoice in the Lord despite the circumstances because his faith is rooted in God alone.

Malaysia, O Malaysia…I know the Lord wants to gather you under His wings just like a hen gathers her chicks (Matt. 23:37; Luk. 13:34) but you are not willing. Malaysia, O Malaysia…my country, my home.

17Feb09